Called to Homeschool | a Mother’s Journey, part 13

From the journals of Kerry Trotter.

September 10, 1989

We have been led by God’s Spirit to homeschool, I believe. But such criticism! Today a woman at church told me that she believed I was doing the wrong thing. I tried to say I was doing it because I knew it was what God wanted for us and not something I wanted.

She really didn’t understand. She said I was isolating my kids (ha! Gymnastics, baseball, ballet, soccer, jazz, neighborhood, church, and always extra kids at the house — yesterday, six!)

Anyways, she said Jesus always blended, and I thought, Jesus didn’t leave home and begin his ministry till he was 30!! She said our kids should learn to stand alone — I believe that!! That’s why I’m homeschooling.

I was a little surprised that someone would say I was doing the wrong thing.

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A Mother’s Journey – table of contents

“A Long Wait all by Myself” | A Mother’s Journey, part 10

From the journals of Kerry Trotter

May 10, 1988

Today I’m feeling like I have a long wait all by myself. I don’t even feel like Mark is in it with me. I also feel unattractive — very much so. It’s hard to feel OK about yourself when you feel so crummy about the way you look.

I’m just feeling so alone in these last 8 weeks to go of this pregnancy and so ugly. Maybe that means I should be concentrating on those inner qualities of beauty that are pleasing in God’s sight, a “gentle and quiet spirit.” (1 Peter 3)

Feeling physically unattractive is such a crummy feeling. And I don’t feel like there’s a thing I can do about it now. After this baby is born I am going to be doing 50 sit ups a day, walking four miles three times a week and twenty push ups. That’s the least I can do for my physical body’s sake!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Of Tulips and Death | A Mother’s Journey, part 1

“Malformed Babies” and Dust | A Mother’s Journey, part 3

November 6, 1987

Yesterday I was thinking about how the word “malformed” makes a mother feel; “malformed ears,” “malformed heart” — sick to my stomach.

That’s how Laura was described.

Today I went to my first parent-teacher conference for Jonathan. She used words to describe Jonathan such as “well-adjusted, “self-motivated,” “hard worker.” These make a parent feel so good. And yet I take no credit or blame for either description. With both babies I did everything within my power to ensure good health (good nutrition, rest, vitamins, exercise, excellent prenatal care) and yet the outcome was out of my hands. One was formed perfectly, one “malformed.”

As we drove by the cemetery the kids started talking about Laura’s bones — that’s all that’s left, they imagine.

I told them even the bones would turn to dust eventually.

I couldn’t help but think that almost a year ago I was so concerned about that little physical body that my physical body was nourishing. My body, not knowing that her physical body was doomed from the start, did everything within its power to build a healthy body for her. It’s good to be reminded, I guess, that only God is in control. We can do the best with what we’ve been given but it’s God who has control of the situation.

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Of Tulips and Death, part 1

When Your Baby Dies, part 2

A Few of My Favorite Things {November, December, January}

by Elizabeth

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I have been so out of touch with blogging the past several months. In fact it’s been three long months since I’ve even published a Favorite Things post. I could explain how homeschooling a high school student and junior high school student as well as two elementary students and keeping up with coop activities and ballet classes and youth group and finishing writing and editing a book with my husband and editing a larger missions blog, etc, has kept me from regular blog writing.

But the truth is that I have also been heavily distracted by my struggle with anxiety these last several months. I don’t have a lot of room for writing, because I am using all my head space either worrying or attempting to figure out how to stop worrying. I’ve read some books and made some life changes, but that didn’t seem to be making enough of an impact. So I’m returning to counseling as well. After the first session I do feel more hopeful.

So even while my life stage feels crazy and my brain at times feels even crazier, here are the best things from the past few months:

Prince Caspian play with our homeschool coop. I was incredibly proud of my kids for their work on this performance last December. Three of them had major parts in this production: King Peter, Trumpkin the Dwarf, and Queen Lucy. There were also several TCK moments in the play that brought me to tears. (For those of you who were there, it was the treasure chest scene, the final goodbye scene, and the song the band sang at the end.)

Medieval dance, post-play. This event matched the historical/costume themes in the play. Our coop director is also a dance teacher, and we learned two group dances: a circle dance and a double line dance. I enjoyed both so much. If this is what traditional dancing is like, I’m all in.

Carols with friends. Singing a cappella brings me joy, and I know the busy Christmas season can easily get away from us without taking the time to worship our Incarnate God in song. So our family got together with a couple other families for a hymn sing.

Christmas Eve supper. My mom’s Czech family has a Christmas Eve tradition of soup and apple, and even though we’re gone from family, we now celebrate it here in Cambodia. We have other family traditions too, which absolutely must happen in the days leading up to Christmas. Thankfully we had a whole weekend prior to fit it all in!

Boxing day party. Another set of friends always hosts a Boxing Day party (the day after Christmas), and I’ve been able to attend the last several years. It’s a lot of fun, and we get to sing carols there too.

Red tea. I had been wanting some of this caffeine-free tea and received some for Christmas. I could drink this all day (but I don’t). It’s a good substitute for black tea. I drink mine with milk. I’ve also successfully quit regular coffee. It took me two months to cut from 3-4 cups per day down to 2 cups, to 1 cup, and then to a cup of half-caf, and finally down to decaf only. Finding decaf grounds at the local Starbucks was a fun surprise that helped in this effort (although they don’t always sell decaf grounds).

Mary Poppins. We watched this as a family at the theatre. The music was a lot of fun, and Mary Poppins’s character is a lot closer to her character in the book than in the original movie. There were a lot of references to and reflections of the original movie, however I thought they really increased the narrative tension over the original film. Thankfully it’s a family movie with a happy ending!

 

GLOBAL WORKER BLOG POSTS

Home for Christmas by Anisha Hopkinson. Not just for Christmas! “We are not just British, or American, or Chinese, or Indonesian – we are Hopkinsons. No matter where we are, we are home when we are together.”

Looking for a Place to Land by Kate Motaung. Beautiful and hopeful in its yearning.

When Life Gives You a Chicken by Emily Raan. Funny and relatable.

Saying “God Called Me” Can Be Dangerous by Amy Medina. On point as always.

Welcoming Broken Missionaries Back at A Life Overseas. Food for thought.

Go Ahead and Criticize Missions (Constructively) by Amy Medina. Important.

In the wake of John Chau’s death, here are some questions to consider by Arthur Davis. The Davises (his wife Tamie writes too) are always thoughtful, in a way that continually surprises me yet has me shaking my head in agreement.

Witnesses of the Kingdom by Rachel Pieh Jones. Important thoughts on global ministry.

Marrying Across Cultures by Hannah Edington. Such great advice even for mono-cultural couples, this is even more important for cross-cultural couples. I hope this advice can point the way for workers who want to help local marriages, cross-cultural or not.

 

OTHER BLOG POSTS

A Liturgy for the Fog by Rachel Zimmerman for Velvet Ashes.

This is Not a Dead End by Karen Huber. Hopeful and just the encouragement I needed that day.

Learn the Difference Between Right and Almost Right by Jen Pollock Michel. I love both Jen (you probably already know this) and Hannah Anderson, whose book Jen is reviewing here.

Coming Home to Our Bodies by Simona Chitescu Weik. I’m on a journey to learn to live more in my body.

The 4 Biggest Myths About Emotions You Probably Learned in Church by Marc Alan Schelske. Shared by my husband, and very good.

Bad enough yet? by Kay Bruner. Yes, for me it got bad enough to seek help. But only after a friend told me how worried she was about me, and after all the things she walked with me through, she had never seen me like this. I woke up enough to seek help. Because the “self-help” of reading books, trying to implement them, and praying on my own wasn’t enough.

There’s Nothing Sketchy About Cross-Gender Friendships in the Church by Aimee Byrd. I have so much I could say about this. Something that concerns me is the way the Billy Graham Rule has tended to reduce women to sexual objects. When I’m with men who believe strongly in separating the sexes even at church, I can’t get away from feeling like a piece of meat. Contrarywise, when I’m with men who don’t consider separation of the utmost importance, I feel like a human being, valued and listened to for my thoughts, not avoided because of my body. For me, the “piece of meat” experience is quite pronounced among both Americans and Cambodians. It is refreshingly absent from interactions with Europeans and Australians and New Zealanders. This may not be everyone’s experience, but it is mine, and it seems to tell me something about American Christian culture. According to this article, the Gospel should be powerful enough to transform cross-gender relationships into something good and holy.

The Mistake I Made With My Grieving Friend by Celeste Headlee. Hit me between the eyes.

Nutritional advice from Aviva Romm and Karen Hurd. Visit their websites and poke around. My diet needed a complete overhaul, and these two ladies were my main guides. Learning about nutrition has been fun, so if nutrition is your thing, feel free to talk to me in the comments.

 

VIDEOS AND PODCASTS

Quiet, a project from two girls we know through our ballet studio. Inspirational.

Another good interview with Angelina Stanford, by Pam Barnhill.

Gillette video on toxic masculinity.

Upworthy video about gender assumptions.

 

SONGS

No Longer Slaves, an international version.

Raise a Hallelujah by Jonathan and Melissa Helser. Our coop’s choir class (the fact that my kids are getting to be part of a music class is another yay!) is practicing this song. Just happens to be the perfect song for me in this time.

Cover Me by Laura Hackett Park. Recommended by my husband during a major spike in anxiety a couple months ago. I listened to it for days.

Douwe Eisenga, For Mattia. From my dance class.

Peder B. Helland — Always. From the driad dance scene from Prince Caspian.

Pilgrim Songs [a podcast]

This message was recorded at ICA-Cambodia, October 2018. Towards the end, the congregation sings a bit, and then the message continues: Songs of Ascent, part 1

This message looks at Psalms 120-124 and should be available as a podcast on iTunes by Friday.

May God bless the reading and preaching of His Word!

all for ONE,
Jonathan T.

Jonathan Trotter

A Few of My Favorite Things {May/June 2018}

So I can’t always seem to get these favorites posts to you by month’s end, but better late than never right? ~Elizabeth

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Teenagers. 17 years in to our ministry journey, and I still love youth. This semester I taught math to the teens at our co-op. I’ve been with these students for a couple years now and have gotten to know each of them, and they are all special to me. Teaching them has been one of the greatest honors of our most recent term in Cambodia. I love watching them come alive and interact with different ideas, each in their own way.

At the end of this semester we lost 6 teens to family moves and graduations, and it was a difficult sendoff. I asked if I could say something to them at graduation and then pray over them. It was an emotional thing to do, but I really wanted to say goodbye well. Next year will not be the same without them! But we know they are headed where God is leading, and we trust Him even when things get hard.

Palm trees in Los Angeles. I wrote about our trip over the Pacific here.

Trip to Emerald Hills. We always visit Team Expansion’s home office, and this year’s visit was particularly good. I wrote about it here.

Trip to Washington State. We visited family and friends, which is of course its own treat. But we also saw the magnificent Mt. Hood on descent, drove to see Mt. St. Helens, and even climbed an ancient lava tube (basically a 2-hour hike up a 60-degree cave) at Mt. St. Helens. I’d never seen a volcano in person before. Beautiful.

Meeting my nephew. He’s 6 months old, but I hadn’t seen him yet. He was even cuter and sweeter than the pictures showed. He fell asleep in my arms several times, and I fell in love with him. I was pretty bummed when we had to say goodbye.

Trip to northern Missouri. We’ve been friends since our college days, and we’ve always gone to visit their farm, even before we had kids. The Galt Christian Church there always welcomes us wholeheartedly. Honestly, every time we visit I am blown away by their kindness and generosity.

Grand River Valley Choir and Orchestra. While we were in Galt, we went to see another friend who was singing in a concert. It was marvelous. I don’t get a chance to see much live music in Cambodia, and it is just different from music you can access online. It may have been my girls’ first experience of live music in fact, and they loved it. Some of the orchestra music had an Irish theme, which was fun, while the choir music was themed around the stages of life, from new baby to old age. I will tell you I cried. Quite a bit actually. The director I hugged afterward may have thought I was crazy!

 

BOOKS

I have not finished a single book, but I have looked in detail at several library books, including:

Stuff Matters by Mark Miodownik and The Language of God by Francis S. Collins (both in search of high school science books),

Things to Make and Do in the Fourth Dimension by Matt Parker (a favorite Youtuber of mine),

The Not-Quite States of America by Doug Mack (recommended by Rachel Pieh Jones and in preparation for studying American history next year with my kids), and

The Shallows: What the Internet is Doing to Our Brains by Nicholas Carr (recommended by the people at Sonlight and full of history and neuroscience).

I’ve also been reading Mr. Putter and Tabby books and the Whatever After series (recommended by my friend Danielle and her daughter) with my girls. Both are fun, heart-warming series, and I can fully endorse them both.

 

MISSIONS AND INTERNATIONAL LIVING

To My Adult TCK Self: I See You by Rachel Hicks. Makes me cry every time.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves About Africa by Arthur Davis. Note: If you want to really think (or cry), read Arthur and Tamie Davis. They are Aussies living in Tanzania, and they blog at Meet Jesus at uni.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is Not a Ministry Guide by Susan Mettes. Intriguing and important.

6 Reasons Why You Should Not Go Overseas by Wesley Mills. For more on that subject, see Laura Parker’s classic 10 Reasons Not to Become a Missionary or Ryan Kuja’s newer The Call Is Not Enough.

The Top 10 Most Valuable Mindsets for MKs and TCKs by Michèle Phoenix.

25 Things They Don’t Put in the Life Abroad Brochure by Jerry Jones.

Leaving Poorly: a whole new set of options for departing expats also by Jerry Jones.

Is it a failure, or is it a growth opportunity? by Kay Bruner. So much grace here. (You may also be interested in Kay’s interview with Sarita Hartz.)

We Need Each Other by Renette. I like this perspective. Reminds me of discussions on community and culture in Alissa Wilkinson’s book How to Survive the Apocalypse. (And you know I always love anything reminiscent of culture critic Alissa Wilkinson.)

 

HOMESCHOOLING AND PARENTING

Calculus is the peak of high school math. Maybe it’s time to change that. by Sarah D. Sparks. Has me thinking.

The Problem With Hurrying Childhood Learning by Justin Minkel. I’m always a big fan of a non-hurried childhood.

Education is a dangerous thing: a conversation with Wendell Berry. Long interview, but good, especially the bit on “education for homecoming”

 

FOR WRITERS AND ARTISTS

You Are Not Your Work: On Receiving (and Ignoring) Feedback by Jonathan Rogers.

 

OTHER CULTURAL CONCERNS

Why America is the World’s First Poor Rich Country by Umair Haque.

How can we untangle white supremacy from medieval studies? Important conversation with David M. Perry and Helen Young.

What Google Bros Have in Common with Medieval Beer Bros: the exclusion of women from coding fits perfectly into centuries of labor history by David M. Perry. Enlightening but concerning.

Prominent Democratic Feminist Camille Paglia Says Hilary Clinton ‘Exploits Feminism’ by Sam Dorman. No matter where you stand on the political spectrum, this is a fascinating read.

‘We’re teaching university students lies’, an interview with Dr. Jordan Peterson. I don’t agree with everything here, but there is much food for thought.

Could managed consumption be a better form of treatment for alcoholism? by Sasha Chapin. Also intriguing.

 

QUOTES

Found on Randy Alcorn’s Twitter and I believe quoting John Piper:

“It is sentences that change my life, not books. What changes my life is some new glimpse of truth, some powerful challenge… I do not remember 99% of what I read, but if the 1% of each book…I do remember is a life-changing insight, then I don’t begrudge the 99%.”

From Doug McKelvey on the Rabbit Room, quoting G.K. Chesterton:

“Happy is he who still loves something he loved in the nursery: He has not been broken in two by time; he is not two men [or young women!], but one…”

Here’s the best explanation I’ve ever heard of how children can follow the 5th commandment, starting with childhood and extending into adulthood in this order. From a sermon at Legacy Christian Church (my parents’ home church, where we’re going this summer and where my kids participated in a fabulous week of VBS.)

  • Willful obedience
  • Expressing appreciation
  • Frequent communication
  • Care for them in their frailty

 

MUSIC

So Will I (100 Billion x) by Hillsong. Yes, I like this song (along with everyone else).

Fly Away Home by Pink Zebra. A song that had me tears at the concert. Besides all the other layers of possible meaning here, to me it also represents the fact that whether I’m leaving the States for Cambodia or leaving Cambodia for the States, every time I step on a plane, I’m “flying away home.”

If you’re a TCK in a less sentimental mood, try No Roots by Alice Merton instead.

 

MOVIES

Churchill. I watched this on the plane and cried through much of it. Emotions are understated, making them all the more powerful. Coming on the heels of a semester studying World War 2 at co-op and my yearlong obsession with The Crown series, this movie gave more depth to the historical character of Winston Churchill, some insight into the challenges of marriage in politics (or ministry!), and some perspective on the atrocities and traumas of war. Well worth the watch.

Candy Jar. A fun movie. I saw my younger self in the main character probably far too much. There’s some bittersweet in this story, which took me by surprise.

Little Dorrit. I absolutely loved this BBC adaptation of the classic Charles Dickens story. Here’s my FB conversation about it.

Khmer resources

Here are some emotional words/vocab lists that I’ve picked up from a couple of friends. Many thanks to Mary and Wendy!

Emotions and Feelings in Khmer and English

Emotions according to intensity

More Emotion Words in Khmer

Here’s an additional resource in Khmer: What is a Woman Worth?

And here’s a master list (with video) about Church Planting Movements and Inner Healing.

Night shot Phnom Penh

photo credit: Nick Radcliffe