Every Day is Precious | a Mother’s Journey, part 12

From the journals of Kerry Trotter.

July, 1989

Corrie is one year old today! This has been one of the happiest years of my life. Probably it has been so sweet because it followed the saddest, hardest year of my life. I have enjoyed watching her grow with more appreciation for the miracle of life and good health.

Jonathan and Kathryn have such a zest for life and are both such robust kids and I do not take it for granted like I might have had we not had Laura. I’ve enjoyed everything about having a baby. Even the nights.

When I thought I might never get to experience the joy of holding a  newborn or rocking a baby to sleep, I ached so for the time I had wasted (or not appreciated) with Jonathan and Kathryn.

With Corrie, every day has been so precious, made so I think by the knowledge of how fast they are passing. She will never be this age again — I will never have this day again and it has made me savor this time with her.

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A Mother’s Journey: table of contents

“A Long Wait all by Myself” | A Mother’s Journey, part 10

From the journals of Kerry Trotter

May 10, 1988

Today I’m feeling like I have a long wait all by myself. I don’t even feel like Mark is in it with me. I also feel unattractive — very much so. It’s hard to feel OK about yourself when you feel so crummy about the way you look.

I’m just feeling so alone in these last 8 weeks to go of this pregnancy and so ugly. Maybe that means I should be concentrating on those inner qualities of beauty that are pleasing in God’s sight, a “gentle and quiet spirit.” (1 Peter 3)

Feeling physically unattractive is such a crummy feeling. And I don’t feel like there’s a thing I can do about it now. After this baby is born I am going to be doing 50 sit ups a day, walking four miles three times a week and twenty push ups. That’s the least I can do for my physical body’s sake!

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Of Tulips and Death | A Mother’s Journey, part 1