When God Won’t Give Me What I Want {A Life Overseas}

by Jonathan

Is he really a “good, good Father”? We sing it often enough, and truth be told, I really like singing and talking about the good character that our Abba Father indeed has.

But sometimes it sounds like we’re desperately trying to convince ourselves. Because sometimes we doubt. And no wonder.

Because sometimes we ask for things that we don’t get it. We ask for more support and we’re still blank. We ask for healing for ourselves or someone we love, and they stay sick. Or they die.

We brush up against storms and trauma and we see horrific things and we question him. Where are you? Why this? Why him or her?

Keep reading over at A Life Overseas

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What Good is That??

by Elizabeth

It’s such a familiar story, this feeding of the five thousand. I’ve known it since forever.

Jesus sees a huge crowd of people coming to look for Him and asks Philip, “Where can we buy bread to feed all these people?” When Philip only answers that they don’t have enough money to purchase food for everyone, Andrew points out a young boy with five barley loaves and two fish. “But what good is that with this huge crowd?” Andrew asks.

But what good is that??

What good is that?

This is something I repeatedly say to God.

“I offer you this, God. My life, my heart, my all.”

And then I turn around and faithlessly say, “but what good is that, with 7 billion people on this planet?” It’s nothing, not good for anything. You’ll never do anything important or valuable with that, I tell Him.

But Jesus is never in a quandary about how to use His created resources — when He spoke to Philip, “He already knew what He was going to do.” He already knew He was going to provide for the people. He already knew He was going to use a small sack lunch to feed the hungry crowd. He already knew He was going to perform a miracle, and blow their minds yet again.

He already knew.

He knew He didn’t need much from the boy, only a little bit. He knew a meager offering is all that’s required, because God Himself would multiply it.

And after He multiplies it, and everyone has eaten as much as they wanted, Jesus instructs them to “gather the leftovers so nothing is wasted.”

So nothing is wasted.

First He takes next-to-nothing from one of His followers. Then He multiplies it, filling empty bellies. And then — oh then — He scoops up the leftover bits of His miracle-working, and He wastes none of it. Not a single scrap.

So when I mourn over my offering to Him, grieving that it’s not enough, I should perhaps dry my eyes. I should perhaps remember instead. Remember that He is the One who gave me my loaves and fish in the first place. Remember that when I offer my daily bread back to Him, He will use it as He sees fit. Remember that He is the One who will multiply my small sacrifices for His own glory. Remember that He is the One who uses even the leftovers of His miracles. Remember that He is the One who will never waste my worship.

So when I tell Him still one more time, “what good is that, God,” perhaps I would be better served simply to still my mouth, to quiet my questions, and to wait. To wait, and keep watch for Him to use even the crumbs of my life for Himself.

Which is all I really want anyway.

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He takes no pleasure in the strength of a horse or of human might.

No, the Lord’s delight is in those who fear Him,

those who put their hope in His unfailing Love.

Psalm 147:10-11

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Darkness and Doubt

by Elizabeth

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But as for me, I almost lost my footing. My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone.

Psalm 73:2

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About a year ago, I almost lost my footing. My feet were slipping. My faith was almost gone. Most likely triggered by Jonathan’s prolonged illnesses, and some circumstances within our families of origin, I had begun to question everything. . .

Does God really exist? Did He really create this world I live in?

Are Heaven and Hell real?

Did Jesus really come to earth?  

Is sin really sin?

Is the Bible even true?

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