Bible Musings

“Did God Really Say That?” — Three Signs I’ve Heard His Voice

/ trotters41 / 8 Comments

by Elizabeth

dgr3

How do we know God has really spoken to us? How do we know it wasn’t just our imagination, but that it was really Him? I recently told the story of hearing the words “Forgive you” from God, and in the comments section someone asked how I knew that message was from God. She said that she had thought she’d heard from God in the past, but then it turned out not to be from God — a very painful experience for her. My heart hurt so badly as I read her comment. And it’s such an important question that I wanted to devote an entire blog post to unpacking the answer.

Before answering the question, however, I want to clarify what I’m not talking about: I’m not talking about making decisions. Different people have different ways of interpreting circumstances for decision making, and it’s far too easy to seek God about a decision, think you’ve heard from Him, and then doubt it when trials come. When things go wrong, it’s easy to look back and think you didn’t hear from God right. Situations may turn tricky and uncomfortable entirely apart from your actions. They might get complicated because of miscommunication or even someone else’s actions or sins. So that’s not what I’m talking about here.

I also don’t think it’s wise to look back and think, “Oh, I heard from God wrong” or “I misinterpreted Him.” It only brings pain, and who’s to say it was wrong anyway? We don’t know the purposes He has for us in each season of life. So I guess I just approach decision-making with the trust that even if I make the “wrong” decision, He is there to pick up the pieces and guide me along further. I think it helps if we are not fatalistic in this regard.

What I am talking about are the kinds of stories I’ve told before, stories of God whispering something to my heart. So how do we know when God is speaking to us? This is how I personally discern these kinds of inaudible messages from God:

1.) Unexpectedness. God often gets my attention with an answer I couldn’t have come up with on my own, in that time and place. In this recent story, I was in really low place. I was thinking God had given up on me because I had given up on myself, and so the unexpected nature of the answer told me it was from Him and not my own mind. Another time God’s voice surprised me was when He told me to believe He loves me. I was in a place of unbelief when the clear message that came to me was “Believe.” So when an answer catches me off guard like that, it feels like it’s from Him rather than from my own imagination.

2. Scripture. Does the message I just received line up with the truth of the Bible? If it does, I know it’s God, and that I just needed a bigger, more intimate, experience of Him to really receive the truth emotionally instead of simply reading the text intellectually. In this case, the truth of Jesus’ constant forgiveness of us as we are walking with Him is backed up by Scripture (I John 1:7), so I know I can believe it. Another time His message was about following Jesus alone and not being distracted by other things. When these truths are in the Bible, I trust these experiences to be from God, because they are verified in His Word.

3. Fruit. Does this truth bring me lasting peace or joy or love? If it does, if it quiets my spirit and brings me closer to God, then I trust it is from Him. I believe Jesus’ sacrifice is for all time, for all my sins. So in this most recent case, it’s not that I have to earn His forgiveness by asking for it each time I sin. Rather, repentance is for us. It brings us back to God, back to the truth of His holiness and sacrifice for us. Repentance is for us to feel the forgiveness that is already accomplished. And so when that conversation with God helped me to continue walking in forgiveness of myself and others, and my anger dissipated, then I knew it was from Him, because kindness and forgiveness are His will for us (again going back to Scripture in that).

The other time I mentioned, when God told me to believe He loves me as much as He loves my husband, I was able to start walking in peace. I didn’t have to strive for anyone to pay attention to me anymore, because I knew viscerally — and not just cerebrally — that God loves me. I didn’t fight with my husband over those things anymore, and I continue walking in that internal and external peace to this day. That, to me, is the fruit of the Spirit at work in my life and marriage, and so I trust the message was truly from Him, because I began to walk in freedom, a freedom that was long-lasting.

So that’s pretty much my grid for trusting that God has spoken to me:

1.) Unexpectedness

2.) Scriptural Alignment

3.) Fruitfulness in my life

I’m not sure if the times my recent commenter was talking about were these kinds of things, or whether they were decisions that had to be made (which, as I said, are much more difficult to judge). I do want to acknowledge the fear of hearing “wrong” and the fear that God won’t speak to us at all. I’ve had those fears too, and they’ve caused me to avoid speaking to God about my problems. It’s scary to ask Him to talk to us and feel like we’re not getting an answer.

I want to close in a prayer for all of us, in whatever situation or struggle we are currently seeking God. I pray that we will hear from Him, that we will know we’ve heard from Him, and that His voice will bring the much-desired peace, joy, and love in our lives.

 

May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. (II Corinthians 13:14)

Adding What’s Missing: Merging CPM Principles with Emotional Healing

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Read part 1 here: Foundational Ideas for Merging CPM Principles with Emotional Healingplus

For the past six months or so, I’ve been feeling like there was something missing. I’ve had this inkling that it was the Psalms. So, beginning about six months ago, I began reading the Psalms in earnest. I began teaching on the Psalms. I began reading books and articles about the Psalms.

And I’ve come to believe that Cambodia desperately needs the Psalms. I believe the Psalms may in fact provide the bridge for Cambodian believers, helping them connect the Gospel to their heart.

Here are some reasons why I believe this:

1) Cambodians, in general, have a hard time identifying and allowing emotions. This is not a uniquely Cambodian problem, of course, but it is a Cambodian problem. The lifelong practice of denying difficult emotions and burying past hurts and pain KEEPS people wounded. It’s like denying the existence of a wound, or at most, accepting that there’s a wound but just covering it up and never dealing with it.

2) The Holy Spirit uses healed people to heal people. People who have come face to face with a Savior can help people be saved. People who have come face to face with a Healer can help people be healed. I believe that heart-level emotional healing is a major — and often overlooked — part of discipleship.

3) There is so much fear and anger here, and without a robust theology that addresses a biblically adequate response to pain and suffering, Cambodian believers are left to figure it out on their own. What we see happening, therefore, could be explained like this: when difficult or painful emotions surface in a Cambodian believer, his or her core beliefs and values take over. So that, even if a person has “believed” in Jesus for a long time, when hard stuff happens, he reverts to the “old ways” and well-worn cultural paths. The Psalms can begin to etch into the hearts of new believers new responses, new “paths.” The Psalms show the way.

4) For too long we have tried to speak information from our heads to theirs, through seminars, trainings (and trainings and trainings!), and yet we still often see emotional immaturity. It is not the young believers’ fault. Missionaries have done a pretty bad job of modeling anything other than information transfer. In addition to teaching the mind, Jesus also cared for bodies AND hearts.

5) The Psalms speak to core human needs and feelings without resorting to cliché. Often, we use clichés to smooth over human interaction, which can be helpful. However, we often use clichés as tools of avoidance. The Psalms teach us not to avoid uncomfortable feelings. They also teach us to pray even with (or because of) the uncomfortable emotions. They teach us what it means to feel things. Indeed, the range of emotions addressed and allowed in the Psalms is much wider than what we’d typically be comfortable with in our churches.

6) We’ve expected people to follow Christ and “be healed already.” I believe people can choose to follow Christ and be saved immediately, but often, the long work of transformation is just that – long work. It’s made even longer if we avoid speaking to the core of the new disciple; namely, his or her heart.

 

Moving Forward, a Few Questions:

Is it reproducible? I’m assuming here that we don’t want to rely on texts or booklets. The Navigators have produced and translated several booklets on inner healing that might be valuable. However, they require a high degree of literacy, as well as quite a bit of time and training. Perhaps these resources could be further developed and used in modular-type training that remains simple enough that a new believer could take the training and pretty quickly pass it on. In that situation, some printed material would probably be warranted. For now, however, I am assuming the absence of the printed word outside of the Scriptures.

Is it effective? It is very difficult for Cambodians to identify past emotions/emotional pain. Therefore, this whole process hinges on a gentle and reproducible way to help new believers identify their own emotions (past and present) and experience those emotions with Jesus present. To that end, one of the most important aspects of all of this is that the facilitator (or trainer) must not only teach, but model, what’s going on. Put another way, with this material, the trainer must speak from his or her heart. If that doesn’t happen, it will be highly unlikely that this model will yield fruit as hoped.

 

Overview of the Process

Psalm –> Emotion in the Psalm? –> Ever felt that emotion? –> When? –> Ask God to show you first time you felt that emotion –> Ask God if any lie/belief comes from that memory? –> God, what is the Truth?

May be able to simplify this process using body language, which should be easily memorable:

  1. Start with hands, representing reading or “holding” the story.
  2. Move from hands to heart, representing feeling the emotion of the story.
  3. From heart to head, representing the memories of prior experiences of that emotion.
  4. From head to God, representing a turning to God.
  5. From God back to head, representing God revealing lies that were believed.
  6. From head back to heart, representing God revealing Truth to our core.
  7. From heart back to hands, asking God who he wants us to share Truth with.

For a three-minute demonstration, check this out:

1. Psalm

State brief history of Psalms, “prayer book of the Bible,” quoted by Jesus, etc.

Perhaps choose one emotion to look at, but don’t tell disciples what it is. Let them identify the feelings after you’ve told the story and they’ve repeated it several times.

 

2. What emotions are present in the Psalm?

Note: this is by no means an exhaustive list, and there may in fact be more than one emotion present in the story/passage. Again, remember, the goal is not to “teach” the passage in the typical sense, but to allow the disciple to engage with the passage, feeling the emotions that are present. Some of these Psalms show the Psalmist’s response to the emotions, others just leave the strong feeling there, without showing a “correct” response. It’s therefore important that the facilitator NOT try to teach a correct response. Allow the disciple to engage with the passage and hear from God. Of course, if someone in the group begins to grossly misinterpret the passage or surfaces some major theological error, the leader should correct, but this will probably happen rarely.

Guilt: 32, 51,

Embarrassment: 44:9-16

Revenge/Enemies: 5:9-10, 7:1-9, 9:13-20, 10, 13, 23, 28, 31, 35:1-10, 40, 41:4-12, 44:9-   26, 55, 58, 59, 69, 70, 137

Grief: 6:6-7, 31:9-18, 38

Despair: 42:1-5, 77:1-3, 116

Abandonment/Betrayal: 13, 22:1-11, 41:4-9, 55:12-14

Anger: 5:8-11, 139:19-22, 69:19-28, 109:19-25

Fear: 55:4-8, 46:1-3

Anxiety: 38:17-22, 94:16-19, 139:23-24

Feel free to download this PDF of possible Psalms for use in this type of ministry.

Additionally, a story from the Gospels could be used, using as the focal point the emotions of the people in the story. For example, what did the lame man feel before Jesus? What did the woman at the well feel before Jesus? What did Jesus himself feel on the cross? In the same way, after identifying the emotions, proceed to point 3. The goal is to get the disciple to identify the emotions in the story and identify with that emotion. When people aren’t used to seeing emotions, they will begin to answer with facts. They will begin to tell the story accurately, but only factually. It may take some prodding at first, but once the pattern is established, the disciple should be able to quickly identify a possible emotion from the text.

 

3. Have I ever felt that emotion?

It’s a simple question, but powerful. Allow the disciples the time and the space to sit with the passage and their own hearts.

Have I ever been told NOT to feel this emotion? By whom? Why did they tell me that?

Am I afraid of feeling this emotion? Do I usually push away or bury this feeling? What might happen if I begin to feel those feelings?

If these questions generate deep fear in the disciple, it might be appropriate to pause and ask Jesus to provide safety. “Jesus, can you show me a safe place where I can go when I feel afraid like this?” Or, “Jesus, can you show me why I’m afraid to feel this emotion?”

 

4. When was a time that I felt that emotion?

You want the disciple to begin to feel the emotion and not just talk about it. If the disciple stays up in their head, it will be very hard for the process to continue. If they begin to tell a story but they’re only relaying facts, gently ask, “Thank you for sharing that story. What is the feeling behind those facts?” Or, “What did you feel when that happened?” Maybe reiterate that Jesus cares very much about our hearts, and our hearts are where we store our feelings.

Asking something like, “What did that little girl feel when that happened?” or “What did that little boy feel when that person did that?”

As part of this process, the facilitator may ask himself or herself, “What are the feelings behind what the disciple’s saying?” It’s rarely just about the facts. There are usually feelings and needs that are under the surface. If you can identify those and then ask a few key questions that shows the person you really see them, often, the person will begin to open up. That’s not the whole goal, of course. The point is to help them identify their own emotional pain and then take that to Jesus and let him heal it.

– Remember, anger can be a sign that something hurts. Anger may indicate sadness, and is usually a secondary emotion.

– Our emotions are like a bridge, leading us to the place of pain.

– Often, when we experience VERY STRONG emotions or pain, it’s not just coming from   whatever’s going on right now. The roots are probably deeper and from what happened in the past.

 

5. “God, would you show me the first time I felt this emotion?”

Often, our painful emotions cycle back again and again, and there is great benefit from seeing an early experience and letting God speak directly to that. It is not necessary to search and search for an early memory, however, giving God the space and freedom to connect us to a past experience can be very beneficial.

 

6. “God, were there any lies that I began to believe at that time?”

This is probably the simplest concept in any healing prayer ministry. That is, if I believe lies about myself, others, or God, the end result is pain. Satan, as the father of lies, knows this, and longs to keep us living in lies. His power over us is destroyed by Truth.

 

7. “God, what is the Truth that you want me to know about this memory/situation?”

There must be great reliance on the Holy Spirit at this point. The power of a person hearing from God, personally, is amazing, especially when the truth God reveals deals directly with long-believed lies.

Often, simply inviting Jesus into the memory can be very healing. After inviting Jesus to be present in the memory, you may ask, “What do you see Jesus doing or saying?” Ask Jesus to bring truth in whatever way he wants. When He does, and I’ve seen this many, many times, it is amazing.

There is a danger that the other disciples in the group will immediately begin to “problem solve” and tell the person what THEY think God is saying. There may be a time for teaching later, but during this process, advice-giving should be limited or completely absent.

That being said, the small group could be ideal, allowing each individual to process past pain out loud and hopefully to feel loved and cared for by God’s people.

This must always be aligned with what we know of God through the Scriptures. However, God may reveal a picture or a phrase to the disciple that is not directly from the Bible, but that aligns with solid Biblical principles.

To conclude, encourage the disciples to remember whatever it is God has shown them. Is there anything they can do that would help them remember the Truth God revealed? Help them realize the importance of remembering and meditating on the Words of God.

 

Recap

Psalm –> Emotion in the Psalm? –> Ever felt that emotion? –> When? –> Ask God to show you first time you felt that emotion –> Ask God if any lie/belief comes from that memory? –> God, what is the Truth?

May be able to simplify this process using body language:

  1. Start with hands, representing reading or “holding” the story.
  2. Move from hands to heart, representing feeling the emotion of the story.
  3. From heart to head, representing the memories of prior experiences of that emotion.
  4. From head to God, representing a turning to God.
  5. From God back to head, representing God revealing lies that were believed.
  6. From head back to heart, representing God revealing Truth to our core.
  7. From heart back to hands, asking God who he wants us to share Truth with.

 

Resources:

For a pdf of this article: Adding Whats Missing.Merging CPM Principles with Emotional Healing

For a pdf of part 1: Foundational Ideas for Merging CPM Principles with Emotional Healing

For a wonderful description of the importance and necessity of the Psalms in the life of the Church.

 

Amazon Links:

Psalms: the Prayer Book of the Bible, Bonhoeffer

The Case for the Psalms: Why They are Essential, NT Wright

Foundational Ideas for Merging CPM Principles with Emotional Healing

/ trotters41 / 3 Comments

This document was developed for CPM (church planting movement) practitioners in Cambodia. It is my great hope that this article, when combined with Adding What’s Missing, will encourage and enable practitioners in Cambodia and beyond to care about the hearts of people in a new and whole way. It is a work in progress, of course, and I am acutely aware of my limited cultural knowledge and expertise, along with my general inexperience in the realm of church planting. However, these articles are not written from my head, lacking outside input. They form the synthesis of countless meetings, counseling sessions, observations, discussions, and prayers, both here in Cambodia and abroad. As a work in progress, any suggested edits/additions are more than welcome.

May the Bride of Christ in Cambodia grow explosively and mature deeply, in every single village.

——————————————————

You can’t be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature. — Peter Scazzero

Emotional damage from our past affects how we view ourselves, how we respond to others, how we treat others, how we respond to others who touch our pain, and how we view God. It is important that we resolve the emotional areas of pain so that our present relationships will not be negatively affected. Unresolved emotional damage causes us to build walls to protect our heart from further hurt. We do not allow others to get too close lest they hurt us like we have been damaged in the past. Neither can we give love if we have been too emotionally damaged. — John Regier

“Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?” Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.  A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” — Matthew 22:36-40

 

Jesus spoke to the core of people, to their hearts. He connected with the hearts of his audience, and that was relieving for some and threatening for others. He cared about actions, of course, but primarily because actions spring from the heart.

The heart is where we store our pain. We’re also told to love God with our whole hearts, and people too. The trouble is, in order to love God (or people) from our hearts, we have to spend some time down in our own hearts, and that can be scary, especially if we’ve buried and stored a lot of pain down in there.

Our hearts are where we store our pain AND it’s where we experience joy and the deepest form of healing. Jesus doesn’t want us to paint a thin veneer over our hearts, saying “It’s all in the past and I’m pressing on now!” In reality, that’s often just fake, and it’s a way to NOT deal with our deep pain. Like a wound, if you just cover it up with a bandage and say it’s all better, you might feel better for a bit, and others might think you’re fine, but the wound is still there. And it will probably get worse. It needs to be gently exposed and treated.

The great news is that Jesus is the great Healer. He can take care of our pain, our past hurts. He can handle it all, and in fact he wants to. He doesn’t want us living with bitterness and fear and anger and pain.

 

Practically Speaking

Keep in mind, always, that the most important thing required to help someone connect with their own heart is that YOU are connected to YOURS.

Even if people don’t have the words to describe it, they know if you’re just talking from your head. They know if it’s just your mind conveying information. And they can tell when it shifts and you’re speaking from your heart.

Before teaching these ideas, it would probably be a good idea for you to pause and ask yourself, “Why am I doing this? Is it important? What if this impacted this disciple? And then their children? Their community and nation? How would Jesus feel about the disciple sitting in front of me? What would his vision be for their life? Would Jesus want to see them connecting to the heart of the Father, experiencing the comfort of the Spirit, and feeling the presence of the Son?”

These questions should help you connect with your own heart. This is not just about teaching content – this is about watching Jesus heal people through the love of the Father, the power of the Holy Spirit and the presence of Jesus.

These ideas are all somewhat esoteric. Here are some visual aids to help convey these truths. These are designed to set the stage for Adding What’s Missing, and I believe they could be taught to Cambodians who could then teach them to others, and so on.

 

BUBBLESbubbles1

The bubbles represent our feelings/emotions. When they reach the surface and pop, we see them as actions. Sometimes, what we see is an angry outburst or a lustful act, or simple crying. We often try to stop the bubbles from surfacing, either because we don’t want others to know, or maybe because our actions when the bubbles pop are wrong. However, just trying to catch them before they get to the surface doesn’t work very well. We need to ask, Where are they coming from?

What causes me to get angry like this?

What causes me to want to sin like this?

What makes me sad and cry like this?

A big goal here is to be brave enough to trace the actions we see (bursting bubbles on the surface) to the feelings/emotions that cause them (the bubbles) to the box (historical event or pain) that produces them.

Of course, it might be as simple as the person’s sin nature. However, I believe that the general brokenness of our world, plus the specific pain (abuse, neglect, etc.) experienced, exacerbates the effects of our sin nature. For example, looking at porn is wrong and stems from a basic lust of the flesh. However, there are emotional and historical components that can’t be ignored. Jesus didn’t just tell people to “stop sinning.” He cared about their stories too. He cared about their hearts.

 

LANDMINESmine_sign

Even if you can’t see a mine, it can still hurt you. Even if it’s been buried and out of sight a long time, it can still injure you and others. God wants to “de-mine” our hearts, healing us, and making that land usable again.

What happens to land that has mines? It’s dangerous. You’re afraid to go there. Other people are afraid to go there. What can the land be used for? What happens when the mines have been removed? It’s good for farming or planting or building a house. It’s good for so much! What would a landowner feel like after being told that his land has been completely cleared of mines? Would his behavior change?

So, what can be done? First, you have to recognize that there is danger there. Are there things you don’t want to talk about because it hurts too much? Are there emotions or feelings that you often begin to feel and then force yourself to stop feeling? Why? Is it because of fear? If so, that’s very normal and understandable. Jesus wants to give you a safe place to go when you are afraid. And he wants to heal the hurting places.

Have you ever heard someone say, “We don’t talk about what’s in the past”? Why do you think they said that? Maybe they were afraid of the pain. Maybe they didn’t want you to talk about it because that would be like stepping on a mine. So, we don’t ever want to force anyone to talk about something they don’t want to talk about. If a person is not ready, if they do not feel safe even with Jesus, that is their decision. It is wrong to try to force a person to remember something that is painful. If they don’t want to talk about it, that is their decision.

Even so, we can teach that when we bury our pain, it’s like we’re burying landmines. We might not be able to see it anymore, but years from now, it could still hurt us or someone we love.

Jesus wants to bring safety. He wants to locate the mines and remove them so we can live free from fear, with hope and a future. If a person does not feel safe enough to “go there,” it might be good to step back and do some teaching on the heart and character and presence of Jesus. His presence is healing, and understanding how he cares about our fear and pain can be transformational.

 

More Resources:

Read part two: Adding What’s Missing: Merging CPM Principles with Emotional Healing.

For a pdf of this document: Foundational Ideas for Merging CPM Principles with Emotional Healing.

For general resources on emotional health.

For a wonderful description of the importance and necessity of the Psalms in the life of the Church.

Paradox and the Hope of Progress

/ trotters41 / 6 Comments

by Elizabeth

The paths of subatomic particles in a bubble chamber.

The paths of subatomic particles in a bubble chamber. Photo source: CERN

A few months ago I came across the phrase “No paradox, no progress” in a science magazine. The quote was attributed to quantum physicist Niels Bohr and immediately grabbed my attention. (Bohr made breakthroughs in understanding the structure of atoms, among other things.) No paradox, no progress?? This statement is as true of quantum mechanics as it is of life.

The phrase really stuck with me and came to mind as I was writing my last installment in the Parsonage Heresies series at A Life Overseas. I didn’t have space in the article to contemplate this beautiful quote the way I wanted to. And at any rate, I couldn’t remember in which article I had found the words “no paradox, no progress,” so I let the idea go. Until now.

When I went searching for the quote in the Place Where All Lost Quotes Reside (also known as The Internet), I discovered that Bohr’s actual words were more akin to “How wonderful that we have met with a paradox. Now we have some hope of making progress.” I love the sentiment from this scientist: we need to give ourselves permission to embrace paradox.

Paradox, that discomfiting feeling we experience when opposites happen at once. Paradox is living in a place where it smells so bad and smells so good all at the same time. Paradox is feeling hope and despair in the same moment. Sometimes we struggle when we cannot reconcile our contradictory facts and feelings, or, in the arena of theology, reconcile seemingly contradictory Biblical passages.

We Western Christians are not very good at making peace with Paradox, are we? Yet without Paradox, our faith gets stuck. Without Paradox, we cling so tightly to our confusion and our contradictions that we can’t move forward in life.

I’ve found that it’s easier in the end — though definitely not in the beginning — to simply accept the paradox of two seemingly opposing truths than to attempt to force them into one truth and lose my faith. It’s better to accept both the good and bad in life and within myself rather than rationalizing any of it away.  After all, Niels Bohr is also quoted as having said “The opposite of a profound truth is another profound truth.”

Bohr’s kind of thinking has strengthened my love for God (He’s so much bigger than I could imagine!) and enriched my study of the Bible (I don’t have to understand it all!). It’s illuminated my past and enabled me to offer grace more fully to other people. I think the more liturgical among us call Bohr’s motto “Mystery.”

Mystery is holding two truths together lightly in our imperfect, human hands, and releasing the need to have one Perfect Answer. Mystery is the reason I’m troubled by extremist theology. Why is it so hard for us, in a trusting embrace of the Father, to hold two truths at the same time? Why can we not hold both that God is mercy, and that He is justice? Why can we not hold both that God is sovereign, and that we have free will (because He gave it to us)?

This Mystery I speak of, it consoles me.  I don’t have to have all the answers. I don’t have to get it all right. I can still believe. Mystery: it’s such a comfort. And in the words of Laura Hackett Park below, what Mystery can give back to us is a Life Abundant.

 

Now love’s a choice I know it’s true

He never forced my heart to move

But therein lies the mystery

That He reached first in choosing me

He spoke my name the sweetest sound

And to this day I still resound

Now death has lost its hold on me

Now life springs up abundantly

The Church: On Not Being the Casserole Lady

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by Elizabeth

cas

Many a Casserole Lady has cared for me. The Casserole Lady brings food to the hurting, nourishment to the weary, comfort to the downcast. She’s first on your doorstep with home-baked bread and brownies, with meatloaf and soup, and of course, with casseroles galore. She ensures you don’t need to plan and prepare meals when you’re grieving a loss, are freshly postpartum, or find yourself in any other time of need.

I love the Casserole Ladies, but I am not one of them.

Sometimes I think about people with the gift of hospitality and get this gnawing, guilty feeling. Why can’t I be more like them? I wish I could, for hospitality seems like the Real Spiritual Gift. Delivering meals to doorsteps, inviting large groups into your home for meals, hosting people long-term as part of your family — this all sounds so very first century Christian. I sigh and start to think I must not measure up.

But I think my accounting system is off when I calculate this way. Maybe I shouldn’t be tallying things up like this. It shouldn’t be about me, me, me. It shouldn’t be about how valuable or useful my gifts are. We shouldn’t have a “usefulness hierarchy” — that’s a joy-stealer if ever I heard one. Instead, I’ve come to believe that it’s about the love behind my actions. It’s about my offering of love to the Lord’s Beloved, for I speak a language of love to the Church that is no less than those gifted in hospitality.

This idea of speaking a language of love originated in Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages,” where he specifies these 5 love languages:

Words of Affirmation

Physical Touch

Acts of Service

Gifts

Quality Time

I’ve mostly heard the idea of Love Languages applied to individual relationships, and to marriage in particular. It generally seems to be discussed in the context of getting your own needs met, explaining why you’re disappointed when they aren’t, and of course making sure you meet your spouse’s needs in return. [Note: I’m not saying that’s how it’s discussed in the book. I’m just saying that’s how I’ve usually heard it discussed amongst The People.]

That approach just doesn’t satisfy me anymore. I want to reframe the gifts discussion, and I want to reframe the love language discussion. I want to stop talking about the gifts we receive from God and start talking about the love we offer back to Him. I want to move beyond just determining how I prefer to receive love, and start embracing the way I most wholeheartedly give love.

Some people, like the Casserole Ladies, love through their Acts of Service. (And we’re all grateful for them!)

Some people love through monetary Gifts. (And building funds and charities everywhere are grateful for them, not to mention those of us in support-based ministry who rely on Gifts for our daily bread.)

Some people love through Physical Touch. (And we’re all grateful for the huggers and the greeters and, let’s not forget, the tireless nursery workers and stay-at-home moms.)

Some people love through Quality Time. (And we’re all grateful for the preachers, teachers, and small group leaders who painstakingly prepare lessons week after week, and for those who sit with people, whether sick or well, whether discouraged or not, giving their time to them.)

Obviously this is not an exhaustive treatise on all the ways members of the Body might speak these five different love languages! I just want to ask this question today: How do you speak love, out of an overflow of your own heart, to the Church? Not what you think you should be doing to serve. Not what you see someone else doing. Not what you’ve always done. But, how do you speak love in such a way that brings you joy?

For me, the way I most wholeheartedly give love to the Body of Christ is through Words of Affirmation. I use words with the hope of blessing people, not for my sake, but for theirs. I offer words, and not just in blog posts — though they’re here too. I also pour all my love into emails and private messages, just because I want to, and because it brings me joy. It is through words that I give gladly and love fully.

I take my counsel from Peter, who says “Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you,” and from Paul, who says, “If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging.” I hear their commission to speak and encourage not through the lens of gift or skill or talent, but through the lens of love.

I want the discussion of love languages to be about what we give, for the pure joy of it, and not what we need from others. I want to approach service from the vantage point of love, and not of giftings. Not from a focus on me and what God has given me, but from a focus on offering my love to others. Not in order to pigeonhole myself into speaking only one “language,” but to embrace the way I show love and to give my whole soul to it.

I want our love languages to be an outpouring of love, a breaking open of our alabaster boxes.

 

What is your offering of love to the Church? What Language do you speak to her?

 

Check out Julie Meyer’s song Alabaster Box, in which she talks about pouring out all her love for Jesus.

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And we cannot end without a quote from Henri Nouwen who, in his book The Return of the Prodigal Son, expresses my feelings and experiences so well:

“When I first saw Rembrandt’s painting, I was not as familiar with the home of God within me as I am now. Nevertheless, my intense response to the father’s embrace of his son told me that I was desperately searching for that inner place where I too could be held as safely as the young man in the painting. . . .

I have a new vocation now. It is the vocation to speak and write from that place back into the many places of my own and other people’s restless lives. I have to kneel before the Father, put my ear against his chest and listen, without interruption, to the heartbeat of God. Then, and only then, can I say carefully and very gently what I hear.

I know now that I have to speak from eternity into time, from the lasting joy into the passing realities of our short existence in this world, from the house of love into the houses of fear, from God’s abode into the dwellings of human beings. I am well aware of the enormity of this vocation. Still, I am confident that it is the only way for me.”

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Other posts in The Church series:

Hungry for Community

“Me too” Moments

Dear American Church

I am a Worshipper

Authenticity is Not New