It’s been about a year since I published one of these roundups, so buckle up! There’s a lot to talk about. From the best missions books to the Duggar documentary to menopause, married sex, and toxic masculinity, it’s all in here. ~Elizabeth

BOOKS

Magic for Marigold by Lucy Maud Montgomery. I’ve loved Lucy Maud since I was in sixth grade reading Jane of Lantern Hill on a porch swing with V-8 in hand. I even dressed up as Montgomery for a middle school language arts assignment. But I’d never heard of Magic for Marigold until last year. It was absolutely delightful (and cheap on Kindle!). When I got to the last page, I was ready to begin all over again.

And I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I like to read Montgomery’s The Blue Castle about once a year. It’s also cheap on Kindle and well worth the read if you’ve never experienced it. (I love to read from my Kindle before bed; it doesn’t have the bright blue lights to keep me awake, and I don’t have to worry about a book falling on my face or about flipping the book from side to side as I read.)

Mere Motherhood by Cindy Rollins. This was perhaps my fourth time through the book and my first as a parent of adult children. Somehow Cindy speaks to the moms of littles, middles, and bigs all at the same time. Each successive reading has been better than the previous. I wrote more about Mere Motherhood here, so be sure to check that out if you’re interested in Cindy or her book(s).

Facing Fear: The Journey to Mature Courage in Risk and Persecution by Anna Hampton. I loved Anna’s work on both witness risk and dysfunctional family systems so much that when I found out she was writing a new book, I practically begged her for the opportunity to read an advance copy and endorse it. This book specifically focuses on facing the fear that comes with living in “witness danger,” but the Biblical teachings in Anna’s book will help and encourage any believer who deals with fear, even one who doesn’t live in danger or risk. Here’s my official endorsement of the book:

“Facing Fear is a book for all believers. Author Anna Hampton dives deeply into the Hebrew and Greek words for fear and courage, explores the neuroscience of fear and attachment and their implications for our relationship with God, and shows us a better way to respond to the grief and suffering of others through her compassionate treatment of the wife of Job. For those living in dangerous situations, she also offers a roadmap for assessing risk and discerning the next right step. Facing Fear offers comfort, courage, and a way forward even in the darkest of circumstances.”

The Missionary Mama’s Survival Guide: Compassionate Help for the Mothers of Cross-Cultural Workers by Tori R. Haverkamp. Tori was my first book coaching client to reach publication. And while I’m super excited for her and so proud of the book she has produced, her message also moved me on a deep heart level. Tori helped me understand how hard it was for my own mom to be separated from family (those grandkids!) for so long. Reading Tori’s book also inspired me to host more pieces from parents of missionaries at A Life Overseas; this has historically been a missing part of the missions conversation.

You can read an excerpt from my favorite chapter at A Life Overseas. Even though I’m only launching my kids to college and not the mission field, I still relate to what Tori writes in that excerpt. And I love that she’s not afraid to talk about menopause or midlife (more on menopause later!).

She Deserves Better: Raising Girls to Resist Toxic Teachings on Sex, Self, and Speaking Up by Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, and Joanna Sawatsky. I don’t know how they did it, but the authors of The Great Sex Rescue have managed to create another gem for the modern church. Each page is packed with Biblical and thought-provoking commentary, along with data analysis (which the scientist in me loves). If you grew up in the church and sometimes wonder about purity teachings that, though well-intentioned, placed a disproportionately heavy burden on the backs of girls only, while giving boys a pass, you’ll be interested in this book – especially if you have daughters yourself.

Gregoire, Lindenbach, and Sawatsky produce the Bare Marriage podcast, which unpacks a lot of the ideas in both The Great Sex Rescue and She Deserves Better. Importantly, they discuss the fact that evangelical women have much higher rates of pain with sex. This can be traced back to the obligation sex message, the idea that women “owe” their husbands sex whenever they want it. But in the Bible, in both the Old and New Testaments, sex in marriage is painted as something that is mutually pleasurable. So if we’ve got pleasure for the husband and pain for the wife – or even pleasure for the husband but no pleasure for the wife – that is not how God designed sex in marriage to work. If this is your situation, please know there is help available. You can see a counselor, a physician, and/or find resources for female pleasure on Gregoire’s site.

REFLECTION & CONTEMPLATION

Aviva Romm (a midwife, herbalist, M.D., and expert on all things healthy living) on perfectionism.

Michele Phoenix (a trusted voice in the MK world) on faith, the church, and deconstruction.

Beth Moore (who needs no introduction) on being welcomed in the Anglican Church.

Cinema Therapy hosts a valuable conversation about Aragorn and healthy masculinity.

This article (if you can access it) reflects even more deeply on masculinity in society. I found the discussion to be nuanced and well-researched. There are a number of reasons masculinity is in crisis in our society, and we need solutions and role models other than the voices pushing toxic, abusive forms of masculinity.

Shiny Happy People, a documentary about IBLP and ATI, the homeschool group my husband Jonathan grew up in. We found it to be both highly accurate to the experience and empowering to survivors. WARNING: the subject matter begins dark and only gets darker throughout the episodes. So if you’re not in the mental space to watch it, please feel free to give it a pass.

If you are in a place to view the documentary, the Aftershow is also worth watching. There’s good news here: you don’t have to reject Jesus or even the church because of the false teachings in IBLP-adjacent groups. Gothard and other teachers twisted Scripture to control people, and it distorted many people’s view of God. But there’s hope – we can find God outside fundamentalism. Alex Harris was particularly well-spoken in the follow-up interview (yes, THAT Alex Harris – co-author of Do Hard Things and brother to I Kissed Dating Goodbye’s Joshua Harris). So if you watch nothing else, skip to the second segment at 23:15 and watch only the parts where Alex talks.

FULL DISCLOSURE: There was a time a few years ago when I wanted to reject everything I had ever believed. I wanted to be an atheist and was about to give up on God. Not believing in God seemed like a less painful option than believing in the God some people around me were preaching. I had to do some hard soul searching and some hard seeking after God, and eventually I found Him again.

What I know now is that I wasn’t chafing against Christ himself, but against Christian nationalism and other forms of cultural Christianity, such as those depicted in Shiny Happy People. It took me so long to untangle man-made religion from the God of the Bible.

I wanted to say this here in case any of my readers are in a dark place right now. It’s ok to be where you are. It’s ok if you find yourself rejecting human religion and desperately searching for something more. It’s ok to respond out of pain. It’s ok to not understand everything. It’s ok to take time in the valley — there’s no need to rush. What I want you to know is that God is still with you and that it’s possible to find God again.

HEALTH & LIFESTYLE

Ballet class. I’m still attending ballet class and finding it to be a good workout. Like any good workout, it is both challenging and relaxing. The teacher added a tap class this summer, so I’m getting back to my roots. (I took both ballet and tap as a child, but I wasn’t very good.) These days I’m working hard on my technique and enjoying the process.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor or medical practitioner. I am just a woman living in a 40-something body who still wants to be happily married to a man in a 40-something body. The things I’m writing about below are things that have helped me, but do your own research and talk to your own doctor.

At first I wasn’t sure if I wanted to talk about this, but I’ve talked about everything else in life, and neither Jonathan nor I have shied away from talking about sexuality, so here goes: Hormone therapy has been life changing for me.

I never thought I would say that. I never thought I would use hormones. I was into natural living, and besides, everyone knows hormones are dangerous. The Women’s Health Initiative proved that in 2002, right?

But the more I looked into solutions for perimenopausal and menopausal symptoms, the more I became convinced that not only is hormone therapy safe, but it also reduces the risk for heart disease, osteoporosis, and dementia (diseases that increase after a woman enters menopause). And of course, hormone supplementation reduces the bothersome symptoms of perimenopause and menopause.

I wanted to manage my symptoms as naturally as possible for as long as possible, but my symptoms started getting worse this year, and I was determined not to walk out of my midwife’s office without a prescription. Thankfully we had discussed options in the past, so when I told her things were getting worse, she whipped out that prescription pad immediately.

My symptoms improved almost overnight. Hormones are like magic.

I don’t share all of this TMI just for the sake of oversharing. I want this information to help someone. So first of all, if you’re in your late 30s or early 40s, you might be experiencing symptoms of perimenopause. That’s because your hormones can start shifting up to 10 years before your periods actually stop.

So what does perimenopause look like? It might look like worsening anxiety or PMS. It might look like heavier or more painful periods. It might look like sleeping problems or brain fog or increased irritability. It might look like frequent urinary tract infections or pain during sex. It might look like hot flashes or a sudden gain in weight, especially around the middle. Your mind and your body just aren’t working the way they used to, and these hormone changes might be affecting your relationships.

But we don’t just have to suffer through the symptoms, even in perimenopause. There are a number of safe, effective, inexpensive, FDA-approved formulations of body identical (bioidentical) hormones, so if your symptoms are feeling more and more unmanageable, please talk to your doctor, midwife, or nurse practitioner about your options.

Importantly, be aware that there are local estrogen therapies to treat the genitourinary symptoms of menopause (whether that’s dryness or pain with sex or recurrent urinary tract infections), and these medications are not absorbed systemically. For more information on local estrogen therapy (usually in the form of a cream, tablet, or ring), see: Dr. Kelly Casperson or Dr. Rachel Rubin (both urologists). A woman’s quality of life matters. Her sex life matters too. Hormones help with both.

I still do a lot of lifestyle interventions to stay as healthy as possible, especially when it comes to diet and exercise – because there are certain changes with menopause that hormones can’t fix, such as loss of muscle and increased insulin resistance. The following authors have helped me on my journey:

Next Level: Your Guide to Kicking A$$, Feeling Great, and Crushing Goals Through Menopause and Beyond by Stacey Sims, PhD. This one is all about exercise. I have always loved exercise, but I knew I needed help in adjusting my workouts to this new phase in life. I’ll share a few takeaways from this book:

1. Lift heavier than before. It’s harder to build and maintain muscle in midlife and beyond, but we need muscle to keep our strength and our balance and to manage our metabolism and blood sugar. This motivated me to buy a heavier set of dumbbells.

2. Eat more protein. We need more dietary protein as we get older because our bodies aren’t as good at building and repairing muscle. Protein also helps us modulate our blood sugar. This motivated me to increase my protein intake.

3. Do more interval training (especially high intensity interval training, or HIIT). Interval training is kind of hard, and I don’t always like it, but I gave it another try and found that I actually do like the way it makes me feel.

4. Stretching, mobility, and balance are more important than before. Honestly I’ve always skipped stretching and core work because they were SO boring. I’m trying to adjust.

The Galveston Diet by Dr. Mary Claire Haver (also check out her YouTube channel, which has a wealth of information). One of the main things I’m learning from Dr. Haver is the importance of intermittent fasting. As women get older, the hormone shifts of perimenopause and menopause cause us to be at higher risk for insulin resistance, metabolic syndrome, and diabetes. Intermittent fasting, or time-based eating, is one way to reduce our insulin resistance. Humans are designed to eat during the daytime and not eat at night, but modern life with its electricity and constant streaming capabilities has interfered with this pattern. Intermittent fasting honors it. Intermittent fasting doesn’t have to be extreme – Dr. Haver doesn’t recommend going over 16 hours of fasting. Just go at least 12 hours without eating at night: it’s the way humans used to live.

Like Stacy Sims, Dr. Haver also recommends increasing our protein intake in perimenopause and menopause. Actually, she recommends tracking all macro and micronutrients. I refuse to do this. It would be stressful and would take over my life. So I loosely aim for more protein in my morning and noon meals but stick to a plant-based meal for dinner, because I find I feel better and sleep better that way. And all the menopause experts say you need to get better sleep.

Cold brew coffee. I loved cream in my coffee and couldn’t imagine drinking it black. But one of the ways to go 12+ hours without eating is to drink your morning coffee black. I tried Dr. Haver’s tip of adding a pinch of salt to cut the bitterness, but it didn’t impress me much. The black coffee hurt my stomach, and my taste buds still cried out for cream. Then I tried cold brew. It’s so much smoother and richer than hot brew, and it never gives me a stomachache. I think this has something to do with the reduced acidity (though minor) in cold brew as compared to hot brew. It also tastes a lot better!

[I know, I know, we’re not supposed to consume caffeine at all, and a few years ago I had managed to wean myself off all caffeine. But these days I find I still need a little bit of kick in the morning, so I use a mixture of half caf and decaf in my morning coffee.]

MUSIC & SPIRITUALITY

The song “Wandering Day” from the Rings of Power series. Granted, the show wasn’t the perfection of Peter Jackson in the original Lord of the Rings, but it was good for what it was (something completely made up), and this song was breathtaking.

Chording. This year I’m trying to teach myself chording so I can play modern worship songs (and songs like “Wandering Day”) with lead sheets. I only took a year of piano lessons as a child, so my skill level is very low, but I’m still learning and enjoying as I go. Every few years I try to get back to piano, but this is the first time I’ve tried to learn chording.

Searching for song. I’m happiest when I’m singing. Some of you might remember my first email address, isingbunches@yahoo.com. What you might not know is that I fell in love with singing when I was 10, the summer I went to church camp for the first time. I’ve been told that on the three-hour trip home, I was either singing or sleeping. If I was awake, I was singing.

And I’ve been singing ever since. Some of you may remember me as the girl in youth group who was always saying, “Let’s sing!” And since we were in a cappella churches, we really could just sing anytime, anywhere. All we needed were our voices and our memories. (Excuse me a moment while I reminisce.)

All of this to say, I have to do whatever I can to get enough singing in my life. One of those things is playing the piano and singing at home, and another one of those things has been attending worship nights at local churches wherever I live. There were a couple international churches in Phnom Penh that hosted regular Saturday worship nights, and I tried to attend whenever I could. It was always such a rich experience with God.

Here in Joplin there’s a local church that hosts a worship night once a month. It reminds me of worship at our international church in Cambodia, the way the leader creates so much time and space to commune with God. I cried the first time I went to one of these monthly worship times. It felt so much like being in Cambodia. I can’t make it every month, but it’s been such a comfort to have the option of more worship through song.

Lent series on the saints and their different expressions of Christian spirituality. When I attended Ash Wednesday service in February, I saw an announcement for a teaching series on the saints and their various forms of spirituality. I was intrigued; I didn’t know anything about the saints or their spirituality.

I’m so glad I went each week during Lent. I would walk in, and the tension in my shoulders would start to unwind. I could breathe more easily. Father Ted just had a way of ushering us into a deeper connection with ourselves and with the Lord. I’m know I’m drawn to contemplative Christianity and am currently trying to figure out how to get more of it in my life. I’m considering finding a spiritual director; I think I would benefit from the guided prayer times. But whatever I decide to do in the future, I’m glad I spent this spring learning about the saints and their faith.