Marriage as confinement or freedom: notes from a wedding

by Jonathan

I’ve had the privilege recently to officiate a couple of weddings. It’s one of those roles where people really won’t remember anything you say or do unless you mess up. THEN people remember. Anyways, I thought I’d share some of my notes from a recent wedding.

[Condensed and slightly edited speaking notes]

I just want to do two things today: Remind you of the beauty of marriage (Hint: it’s even better than the wedding), and offer a blessing for your union.

First: The Beauty of Marriage

Marriage is for intimacy.

The sharing of souls and dreams and flesh.

The first taste of summer.

Remember, marriage, the joining together of two unique persons, predates sin and exists beyond it. Marriage is NOT simply two wicked sinners scratching to eek out an existence together. That’s WAY TOO SMALL! It’s way too POST-fall and not enough POST-resurrection.

Marriage satisfied Adam and Eve. Marriage excites Jesus. The first marriage was designed by a loving Father, for joy and companionship. Closeness. It was good. The last marriage is a proclamation of Love’s victory and our salvation that echoes in eternal joy and companionship and glory.

The wedding supper of the LAMB.

A celebration such as the world has never seen.

“Happy are those who have been invited to the wedding feast of the Lamb!” (Rev 19:9)

Your marriage is an echo of that! That’s fantastic! In his book, Reversed Thunder, Eugene Peterson says this about salvation:

“The root meaning in Hebrew of ‘salvation’ is to be broad, to become spacious, to enlarge. It carries the sense of deliverance from an existence that has become compressed, confined, and cramped.”

Salvation allows for an ever-expanding vision. Salvation is not just a get out of jail free card. Marriage doesn’t save you. Of course it doesn’t. That’d be heretical and I’m too tired for that. I’m NOT saying marriage can save you. I AM saying that marriage can be a raw, earthy reminder of a fantastical, cosmic truth.

Two people, in a faithful and loving marriage, can show an existence and an intimacy that broadens over time, that becomes spacious, roomy, and secure. Marriage is the mysterious coming together of two people; the blending of heart and vessel and marrow. The tearing of the veil. Intimate.

Your marriage does NOT have to be a place where you become compressed, confined, and cramped. It can in fact become a place where you become more deeply known than you can even fathom. Deeply known. Fully loved. AND FREE. Show the world THAT.

Marriage is a beautiful thing. Marriage is a great gift, and we honor the Giver when we accept the gift with joy and excitement (AND A PARTY!). We honor him when we treasure each other, respect each other, serve each other, know each other. Yes, marriage is sometimes hard, and life is not all peaches and cream, but it really can be beautiful.

And number two, I’d like to offer a simple marriage blessing.

May your marriage be beautiful. May it remind you often that God gives good gifts. Very good gifts.

May you remember that God didn’t put Adam and Eve together to give them holiness, but a companion, a comrade, confidant, and friend.

May people look at your love and see that there is a God and he is awesome.

May you show the world – and the Church – that it’s not about submission or obedience or “who’s in charge.” That in your love and mutual submission, you will race each other to the bottom. And when you get to the bottom, may you find love, wholeness, joy, peace, and life. In other words, Jesus.

May you laugh often. At each other, with each other, because of each other.

And if and when God fills your home with children, may you sit around the table and laugh and laugh and laugh.

May you taste heaven when you taste each other.

And when you walk through the shadowlands, and you will walk through the shadowlands, may the One who led you together continue to lead you together.

He is the Creator of the soaring mountaintops and the scary valleys. May he sustain you and remind you.

May 2021 be the best year of your marriage. Until 2022. And may 2022 be the best year of your marriage. Until 2023.

May you experience the intense joy of being known, deeply, and the great honor of knowing another.

May your love, promised and given on this day, echo into eternity. May people hear your stories, witness your love, and say from now until forever, “Look at what the Lord has done!”

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A Marriage Blessing originally appeared here.

Click here for more resources on Marriage.

To listen to part one of our three-part podcast on marriage, click here.

The initial quote about marriage being for intimacy comes from this article.

My Sex Life Died on the Field {Velvet Ashes}

This week I’m at Velvet Ashes. The title kind of says it all, I guess. It’s a brand new story I’ve never told. But if you’ve been following my journey the past few years, I think this post will weave together a lot of the strands of things I *have* written about: anxiety, depression, dance, PMS, being underweight, etc.

As scary as it is to talk about, Jonathan and I decided together that it was time to start being more open about this difficult season in our life and to maybe, just maybe, be able to offer hope to others in dark seasons of their own.

I don’t know where you are today, but wherever that is, I hope that you will be as gentle with your own story as you are with mine. And if healing is what you need today, what I want you to know is that God wants to walk with you into healing, whatever that journey might look like for you.

Grace and peace, Elizabeth

This is a Post About Sex

by Elizabeth

Actually, this is a post about the best Christian book on sex that I’ve ever read. Christian marriage books often bother me. (I talked about one of them here.) Sometimes they give bad relationship advice in general, and sometimes they give bad sex advice in particular. Many times they offer a poor theology of marriage. On the other hand, secular books often give good relationship advice or offer scientifically valid sexual information, but their values don’t always align with mine.

This book is different. It’s called The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You’ve Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended, and it was written by Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, and Joanna Sawatsky. It’s based on research and takes women’s sexual issues seriously. The authors also take the Bible seriously. So they’re able to explain, with data and with Scripture, all the things that tend to bother me about Christian marriage books. And they’re able to offer a better way.

So if you’ve ever been frustrated by the state of the Church’s teaching on sex (especially for women), this book will speak to you. If you’ve ever wondered if sex is supposed to be more than just a way to keep your husband from sinning, this book will speak to you. If you’ve ever searched for practical answers to your difficult sexual issues, this book will speak to you.

Sex is not supposed to be good only for husbands; it’s supposed to be good for wives too. I could say much more, but the book says everything far better than I ever could — and far better than I’ve ever seen anywhere else. Read the book if you want to know what I’m talking about, and then spread the good news about sex — share it with your friends and pastors.

*Post includes affiliate links.

**I also wrote about married sex here.

***I’ve been working on telling the story of how we found our house, but it’s just not coming together yet. So until that story is ready to tell, I’ll be dropping other content into your inboxes.

The Podcast of Madagascar

by Jonathan

😎 The folks over at The Clarity Podcast just released a new interview I did on marriage that was recorded in Madagascar. My part starts around the 10-minute mark, and although my audio’s a bit wonky, I hope it’ll be helpful to someone. (I’ve since upgraded my mic in hopes that future podcasts sound a bit better. Still working on upgrading my voice, though.) Listen here, or wherever you podcast.

A Marriage Workshop and a Reimagined Song

by Jonathan

Happy Friday, y’all! So, fun fact: one of my songs just dropped on iTunes. 😃 Recorded by Nashville indie artist, Hetty, Follow Close is based on Psalm 63. It was written during our time discerning whether or not God was calling us to Cambodia. 🇰🇭 It’s a bit more artsy than my version… ha!

Buy Follow Close here!


Elizabeth and I are also excited to announce this hour-long marriage workshop that we did over at Global Trellis. We hope this encourages and blesses marriages around the world!