We read way too little about sex. Sure, we might talk or joke about it a lot, we might think about it a lot, and unfortunately we may even watch a fake version of it a lot, but we read way too little about it.
In an effort to change that, I’d like to give you a list of books that I’ve read and found, um, helpful. Remember, having sex doesn’t take much skill or special knowledge, but really making love to your spouse’s heart and body, now that can take some practice. And research.
A few caveats.
- The goal in all of this is NOT mind-blowing movie sex. That’s too cheap, and in any case, aiming at it isn’t likely to get it for you. No, the goal should be intimate, connected, mutually satisfying sex. Love-making.
- Pressure is bad. If you read these books and end up pressuring your spouse in any way, you’ve missed the whole point. The goal is not for you to compare your spouse, or pressure your spouse, or anything of the sort. The goal is intimate, connected, mutually satisfying sex. Pressure will never get you that.
- You don’t have to agree with everything someone says to learn something from what someone says. You won’t agree with everything in these books. Rest assured that I don’t either. But there is physiology and psychology that these folks are experts in, and we can learn from them.
- If your spouse doesn’t want you reading about sex, he or she probably has a very good reason. You should look into that first. For example, if you’ve violated your spouse’ trust before, or pressured them in the past, they’re probably not going to be too excited about you getting more ammunition. And they’re probably right. Have a discussion with your spouse before purchasing any of these books. Do not read these books in secret.
- This isn’t about frequency. A healthy sexual relationship has nothing to do with frequency. It has to do with intimacy. Do you, as husband and wife, regularly connect with each other in mutually satisfying ways, both physically and emotionally?
- If you are currently fighting hard against porn, these books probably aren’t for you.
Thermometer or Thermostat?
Many people think that a couple’s sex life sets the temperature for their marriage (like a thermostat), and that if they can just improve their sex life, they’ll improve their marriage. Or they think that their bad sex life has ruined their marriage.
But married sex is more like a thermometer, revealing what’s already there (or not). Be careful not to mix up these two terms.
And Now, a List
I’m not giving much commentary here, and that’s on purpose. Check them out online, use discretion, and learn!
The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You’ve Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended, Sheila Gregoire
Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life, Emily Nagoski
Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship, Dr. Stephen Snyder
A Celebration Of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God’s Gift of Sexual Intimacy, Dr. Douglas E. Rosenau
She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, Ian Kerner, Ph.D.
Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters–And How to Get It, Dr. Laurie Mintz [I think this book has one or two clinical photographs of female anatomy, similar to any medical or nursing textbook.]
Woman’s Orgasm, Georgia Kline-Graber and Dr. Benjamin Graber
More on marriage and sexuality
Sex and the Married Missionary (Jonathan)
Women have desire too: the thing we overlook when we talk about the Billy Graham Rule (Elizabeth)
The Purpose of Marriage is NOT to Make You Holy (Jonathan)
What I want to teach my daughters about married sex (Elizabeth)
17 years of marriage, and this is all we’ve got (Jonathan and Elizabeth)
3 Ways to Care for the Heart of Your Wife (Jonathan)
What Christians Can Learn from a New York Times Article About Sleeping with Married Men (Elizabeth)
Photo by Luana Azevedo on Unsplash
I’m not writing this to make money. I’m writing it because I want married couples to really enjoy making love! That being said, these links are Amazon affiliate links, so now you know.
One thought on “On Making Love”
Great post! Thanks for sharing those books – I haven’t read any of them, yet.
Yes, considering that God made us for Relationship, it makes sense that it is not just the physical that we should be seeking in marriage.
Over the last 5-6 years, both my husband and I have followed the blog hotholyhumerous.com. It is written by a godly, Christian lady, written mostly for women. It has been helpful to our own marriage, and has also been a huge help when trying to help others deal with marriage issues. Another excellent blog is onlyyouforever.com, by a Christian couple (we know them personally), that gives godly marriage guidance.
Just for a heads up! =)
Thanks again for the post!