“When I went looking for resources, I was surprised to discover that, compared with the literature available for the early years of parenting, there is relatively little available about the challenges of parenting an adult child. Yet we will spend more time as a parent of an adult child than we will as the parent of a young child and adolescent.” — Jim Burns
I first heard of this book a couple of years ago and LOVED the title. Well, I just got around to reading it and I think I will be recommending it regularly. It’s simple, straightforward, and not too serious. Check it out…
I am so excited to share this new Easter song with you all. It’s based on a poem that originally appeared at A Life Overseas about five years ago. It is my hope that it might be a deep encouragement to you, wherever you are, on this Holy Saturday.
I’m so excited that Remnant Counselor Collective launches today and includes an article of mine aimed at helping counselors care for missionaries. It’s about the six things a counselor should remember when counseling missionaries:
1. Don’t try to keep them on the field or get them off the field
2. Remember, they’re people too
3. Get comfortable with grief, because there’s probably a lot of it
Ghosted: An American Story by Nancy French. Nancy is married to David French, whose work I’ve been reading for years. Like her husband, she’s absolutely in love with God, and I so enjoyed getting to know her. Her salvation story was incredibly moving, but the entire book was a page turner. And like any good writer, Nancy waits for the very last page for the “turning.” I won’t ruin it for you. Content warning: numerous discussions of childhood sexual abuse.
If you want a taste of the book, watch/listen to this interview with Russell Moore. But honestly, as much as I love Russell Moore, the book is way better than the interview.
Escaping Enemy Mode: How Our Brains Unite or Divide Us by Jim Wilder, PhD psychologist, and Ray Woolridge, retired U.S. Army Brigadier General. This book changed my brain and my life, and I think it has the power to change the church and the world. It’s all about “refriending” or strengthening and repairing relationships, which seem weak and distressed society-wide, especially since the pandemic.
There’s a lot of brain science in this book that I couldn’t keep up with, but the main point is that there are three types of enemy mode: simple, stupid, and intelligent. Simple enemy mode occurs when we don’t have the “relational circuits” in our brains turned on or warmed up. Basically, we’re not paying attention to the people in our lives. This can be relatively straightforward to resolve.
Stupid enemy mode happens when we get angry and say and do dumb things in our anger. Instead of our brains being “too cold” as in simple enemy mode, in stupid enemy mode, our brains are “too hot.” Calming techniques can help with stupid mode. Although people don’t intend to hurt others in these two modes, a lot of relational damage gets inflicted.
Intelligent enemy mode is different. In intelligent enemy mode, a person is paying attention and staying calm but using the relational data they have to hurt people on purpose. It’s harder to heal a brain in intelligent enemy mode, particularly since those people don’t generally want to escape their enemy mode. In my experience, however, most of our daily interactions are with simple and stupid enemy modes–and the good news is that there’s so much we can do about this!
Pro Tip #1: Reading The 3D Gospel: Ministry in Guilt, Shame, and Fear Cultures ahead of time will enlighten the experience. Dr. Wilder shows how honor-shame really does permeate all of American culture. I recommended The 3D Gospel by Jayson Georges in June, and it’s much shorter and more digestible than Escaping Enemy Mode.
Pro Tip #2: If you don’t understand the brain science in this book, skip it and read the stories and the solutions. I think this book has the power to change the church and change society. Spread the word!
Christianity Today. Not a book but a periodical, CT reimagined and redesigned their magazine this year so that the volumes come out less frequently, but the stories are tied together with an overarching theme. The changes make the magazine more cohesive and even more of a joy to read than before, touching on deep theological and emotional issues. I’ve subscribed to CT for close to a decade, and it has always strengthened my faith and pointed me back to Christ, but never more so than in the past few years.
A thousand generations falling down in worship To sing the song of ages to the Lamb And all who’ve gone before us and all who will believe Will sing the song of ages to the Lamb
Your name is the highest Your name is the greatest Your name stands above them all All thrones and dominions All powers and positions Your name stands above them all
And the angels cry holy All creation cries holy You are lifted high, holy Holy forever
If you’ve been forgiven and if you’ve been redeemed Sing the song forever to the Lamb If you walk in freedom and if you bear His name Sing the song forever to the Lamb We’ll sing the song forever and amen
Where would I run But to the throne of mercy Where would I kneel But at this cross of grace How great the love How strong the hand that holds us Beautiful, so beautiful
So here I bow to lift You high Jesus be glorified In all things, for all my life I am Yours, forever Yours
There is a King who bore the scars of healing There is a Son who came in grace and truth How great the love that carries us to kindness Wonderful, You’re wonderful
God here and now, be lifted high Right here and now, be glorified God of Heaven and Earth God who brought me back to life I am Yours, forever Yours
Out of the depths I cry to You In darkest places I will call Incline Your ear to me anew And hear my cry for mercy, Lord
Were You to count my sinful ways How could I come before Your throne? Yet full forgiveness meets my gaze I stand redeemed by grace alone
I will wait for You, I will wait for You On Your Word, I will rely I will wait for You, surely wait for You ‘Til my soul is satisfied
So put your hope in God alone Take courage in His power to save Completely and forever won By Christ emerging from the grave
Now He has come to make a way And God Himself has paid the price That all who trust in Him today Find healing in His sacrifice
QUOTES
“The presence of God is the concentration of the soul’s attention on God; remembering He is always present.” –Brother Lawrence
“We live at the mercy of our ideas.” –Dallas Willard
“We are made for work as surely as we are made for rest. Because of sin, we make idols of both, bending them to serve our self-promotion and sloth. Our work does not fully satisfy, and our rest does not fully restore.
“But one day, we will labor again as we were created to labor. And we will sabbath as we were created to sabbath. Our labor will not frustrate, and our rest will not bore.
“For now, we can and should still do our jobs with all our hearts, as working for the Lord (Col. 3:23). When we see our labor as serving the Lord Christ, even menial tasks are transformed from work into worship. Our efforts become offerings, whether as expressions of our gifts or as acts of simple obedience.”
Father in heaven who loves us, who longs to know us, who longs for us to know You and to know each other in marriage, we confess that we do not always see You or Your goodness in marriage.
But we thank you for Your good plans for us and our marriages. We thank you for Your good plans for Your church across the globe. And we thank you that your plans are not in conflict with one another.
Help us to see the image of God in one another. Help us to rejoice in each other and in our relationships. Restore the joy of first love to us.
Give us the courage to say no to the world and yes to each other. Give us the strength to seek healing from You that we may bring it to our marriages and thus to the world. Let our marriages shine the light of You to others so that they may ask where we found it and want what we have.
Thank you for giving us Your Son, who loved and blessed marriages. Amen.
Jonathan & Elizabeth Trotter 