You get up early in your 40s. You can’t sleep in no matter how poorly you slept. So you drag yourself out of bed, but your head is dizzy and your thoughts are jumbled and your body is stiff and you’re not quite sure who you are or where you are. You’re not quite alive yet, but slowly you recover from the jet lag that is midlife sleep.
If you’re lucky, if you’ve fine-tuned your supplement regimen and have access to the prescription medications you need, if you’ve adjusted your schedule and are strict with your boundaries, then sure, you’ll ease into the day with increasing energy and brain power. You’ll eventually be able to function. But recovering from morning jet lag is no joke.
Maybe that’s why I prize my morning times so much. They adjust me to the day and time, which I frequently forget in the morning. They awaken me to God. They remind me what’s important in life.
I no longer wake up in an angry funk (hello progesterone intolerance), but I do wake up fuzzy. I can’t walk in a straight line or hold complex conversations yet. Some people might be able to exercise in the morning, but I couldn’t possibly. (I’ve tried.)
It is a truth generally acknowledged in the menopause space that “motion is lotion.” By this, doctors and physical therapists mean that even if we are stiff, we feel better when we move. Sometimes it is this very movement that gets the muscle and fascia fibers unstuck and gliding past each other more freely. But when we stop moving, our bodies start to stiffen, and pain can set in.
I find this menopause truism holds for every aspect of morning wakening, whether in the spiritual or physical realm. Sometimes we just need to start moving. Even if we’re drowsy or foggy, or stiff or sore, or in overwhelm or decision fatigue. We just need to do something. Anything to help the brain, body, and spirit get unstuck and start the day.
So stumble out of bed and wash your face. Pour yourself a cuppa something. Stretch your aching body. Open a book and set your mind on something worthy. Maybe even record the gifts of the day, or the confusion of the night. Then thank God that His mercies are new every morning — especially if you’re in midlife and every morning feels like jet lag.
I’ve read a lot of books and listened to a lot of podcasts on perimenopause and menopause. I’m sure this comes as no surprise to anyone who’s been following me for a while.
But so much of the material in books, articles, and podcasts is the same — a standard yet extensive list of symptoms with some lifestyle modifications to manage them, copious amounts of empathy and assurances that “you’re not crazy,” and instructions on how to choose and obtain hormone therapy. Some books have even felt like a basic copy-paste of each other.
The following resources are different.
1. First up are two husband-and-wife conversations about menopause and midlife. One is from Penn and Kim Holderness, of YouTube fame.
Kim’s experiences are uber relatable. In fact, she verbalized some feelings I hadn’t previously identified but definitely relate to, such as wanting to be left alone but not wanting to be left alone. As in, don’t touch me or talk to me, but still stay in the room so I know you’re here. Basically saying to your spouse, go away and don’t go away at the same time. Confusing, right? But real.
I really appreciate having the male perspective here. So much of the menopause conversation is female-dominated, as it should be. But many women are in partnerships, and their husbands often don’t know how to respond when the woman they’ve known for so many years suddenly changes her personality. Listening to this podcast is a good way to get the conversation started in your own relationship.
2. The other husband-and-wife conversation is from Brent and Tori Haverkamp in a podcast hosted by their local church.This one doesn’t just focus on menopause but broadens the picture to midlife, and again the male perspective is helpful here.
The Christian perspective is also helpful. So many resources are available for women in menopause and perimenopause, including mental health help, but very few are from a Christian perspective. It’s up to the reader to layer their faith and worldview over the scientific and medical help.
I couldn’t believe how well Tori’s experience seemed to mirror my own, including some things I haven’t heard other people saying. Like feeling that all your hard-fought sanctification just disappeared overnight. Or being so in the moment of motherhood that you couldn’t see past it to predict that the empty nest years were coming. Or finding so much fulfillment in motherhood that you confused your identity with your role.
(For context, Tori is the author of The Missionary Mama’s Survival Guide: Compassionate Help for Mothers of Cross-cultural Workers.)
This is the first book I read that had a positive perspective on menopause and aging and tried to teach the reader to adopt that positive perspective too. While there’s plenty of brain science in this book, it’s also a lot about mindset, which is something that seems missing from a lot of resources.
It also has mindset stuff, but the thing that sets this book apart from others is its deep dive into the twelve neurotransmitters that we lose in menopause. (Yes, twelve! No wonder we feel so awful in the head.) This book offers so many ways to regain those neurotransmitters. One of my favorites? Storytelling. Read the book for more details!
Another helpful aspect of Age Like a Girl is the chapter at the end addressed to men.
Of course, I would still recommend talking to your doctor about medication options. Hormone therapy has been extremely helpful for me but must be prescribed and monitored by a clinician. Even with HRT, however, I still needed the mindset books and conversations listed above.
Want a deep dive into all things Christian womanhood, including PMS and early perimenopause? My new book, The Hats We Wear: Reflections on Life as a Woman of Faith, is available in print and e-book versions on Amazon.You can also access a free discussion guide for your book club or personal journaling prompts.
Jonathan & Elizabeth Trotter 