I’ve read a lot of books and listened to a lot of podcasts on perimenopause and menopause. I’m sure this comes as no surprise to anyone who’s been following me for a while.

But so much of the material in books, articles, and podcasts is the same — a standard yet extensive list of symptoms with some lifestyle modifications to manage them, copious amounts of empathy and assurances that “you’re not crazy,” and instructions on how to choose and obtain hormone therapy. Some books have even felt like a basic copy-paste of each other.

The following resources are different. 

1. First up are two husband-and-wife conversations about menopause and midlife. One is from Penn and Kim Holderness, of YouTube fame. 

Kim’s experiences are uber relatable. In fact, she verbalized some feelings I hadn’t previously identified but definitely relate to, such as wanting to be left alone but not wanting to be left alone. As in, don’t touch me or talk to me, but still stay in the room so I know you’re here. Basically saying to your spouse, go away and don’t go away at the same time. Confusing, right? But real.

I really appreciate having the male perspective here. So much of the menopause conversation is female-dominated, as it should be. But many women are in partnerships, and their husbands often don’t know how to respond when the woman they’ve known for so many years suddenly changes her personality. Listening to this podcast is a good way to get the conversation started in your own relationship.

2. The other husband-and-wife conversation is from Brent and Tori Haverkamp in a podcast hosted by their local church. This one doesn’t just focus on menopause but broadens the picture to midlife, and again the male perspective is helpful here. 

The Christian perspective is also helpful. So many resources are available for women in menopause and perimenopause, including mental health help, but very few are from a Christian perspective. It’s up to the reader to layer their faith and worldview over the scientific and medical help. 

I couldn’t believe how well Tori’s experience seemed to mirror my own, including some things I haven’t heard other people saying. Like feeling that all your hard-fought sanctification just disappeared overnight. Or being so in the moment of motherhood that you couldn’t see past it to predict that the empty nest years were coming. Or finding so much fulfillment in motherhood that you confused your identity with your role.

(For context, Tori is the author of The Missionary Mama’s Survival Guide: Compassionate Help for Mothers of Cross-cultural Workers.)

3. And now, some books that don’t just copy-paste their medical advice. First is The Upgrade: How the Female Brain Gets Stronger and Better in Midlife and Beyond by Dr. Louann Brizendine. 

This is the first book I read that had a positive perspective on menopause and aging and tried to teach the reader to adopt that positive perspective too. While there’s plenty of brain science in this book, it’s also a lot about mindset, which is something that seems missing from a lot of resources.

4. The next book is Age Like a Girl: How Menopause Rewires Your Brain for Mental Clarity, Increased Confidence, and Renewed Energy by Dr. Mindy Pelz. This one’s a game-changer.

It also has mindset stuff, but the thing that sets this book apart from others is its deep dive into the twelve neurotransmitters that we lose in menopause. (Yes, twelve! No wonder we feel so awful in the head.) This book offers so many ways to regain those neurotransmitters. One of my favorites? Storytelling. Read the book for more details!

Another helpful aspect of Age Like a Girl is the chapter at the end addressed to men.

5. And finally, a book I’ve recommended before but that still offers unique enough information to warrant inclusion in this list. It’s Next Level: Your Guide to Kicking A$$, Feeling Great, and Crushing Goals Through Menopause and Beyond by Dr. Stacy Sims, and it’s still the best exercise guide to this time of life (with a chapter on nutrition as well).

Of course, I would still recommend talking to your doctor about medication options. Hormone therapy has been extremely helpful for me but must be prescribed and monitored by a clinician. Even with HRT, however, I still needed the mindset books and conversations listed above. 

Want a deep dive into all things Christian womanhood, including PMS and early perimenopause? My new book, The Hats We Wear: Reflections on Life as a Woman of Faith, is available in print and e-book versions on Amazon. You can also access a free discussion guide for your book club or personal journaling prompts.