Author: Elizabeth Trotter

I Wrote Letters and Never Sent Them

/ Elizabeth Trotter / 5 Comments

I wrote letters and never sent them. I’d heard it would heal me. But no matter how many letters I wrote and didn’t send, I never felt healed.

Maybe it’s because I have an obsessive personality. Maybe it’s because in my waking life, I already ruminate and rehearse. All I know is that this classic mental health tool did nothing for me. What I really needed was Paul’s instruction in Philippians 3:12-14 to press on, forgetting what is behind and reaching for what is ahead.

In the very next chapter, Paul shows us how to press on:

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.” (Phil. 4:8-9)

As a person whose brain tends to get stuck on loops, I need to make sure my loops are positive ones, not negative ones. Otherwise I will just spiral downward and fall into the black hole of despair. If I get stuck on sad, angry, or fearful thoughts, I may never find my way back out again. [Cue spaghettification.]

Our thoughts influence our emotions, which influence our spirits, which feed back into our thoughts. This cycle occurs regardless of the quality of our inputs, but the Holy Spirit through Paul directs us to fix our thoughts on true and beautiful things, not frightening or resentful things. 

I must put this principle into practice every single day from the moment I wake up. Some days I wake up in a dark cloud. I have to set my eyes on lovely things, or they will sink into a storm. Other days my brain wakes up blank, but as soon as my thoughts kick into gear, they swirl into a dark, depressed, and anxious cloud. My natural thoughts are not always happy ones.

Just a few verses earlier Paul says something else, something I never noticed before this year. I had of course tried to abide by Philippians 4:6: “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.” 

But this verse is only part of a multi-step command, which continues with: “Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done” (v. 6).

And the promise of peace comes after both parts: “Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:7).

How exceedingly abundantly has God blessed me? And yet how often do I — like one of the nine lepers — forget to turn around and thank God for a gift? If I so repeatedly forget the source of our peace, is it any wonder when I don’t experience it?

For me, healing comes from putting into practice the words of Paul, not the remembrance of hurtful scenes or conversations. Not the rehashing of all my dark, depressed, angry, or fearful thoughts every morning. I still write those things out, of course, but it’s no longer the only thing I do. 

Because simply vomiting the rotten stuff onto the paper isn’t enough to cleanse us. We must also look to the past for reminders of God’s faithfulness. We must smile and thank Him for the good things in our lives, no matter how small. The way to reset the brain is to focus on the good, not the bad — even as we make our requests known to a Father who longs to hear from us.

There’s a reason the author of Hebrews tells us to fix our eyes on Jesus Christ (12:2). Gazing on Jesus is the only way to endure the difficulties of this life. It is the only way to find our way out of the dark maze of our minds. 

So my task each morning is to write myself back to the truth. I present my requests to God. I thank Him for the things He has done. And I declare my trust in Him. I speak honestly to the Lord, but I also allow His truths, hidden in my heart, to speak honestly to me. 

Then I put the blue pen down. I set the journal on the shelf for tomorrow, when the peace of God will come to me again through words scribbled on a page. Not words of hurt and pain but words of hope and healing. For His faithfulness never ends — and His mercies are new every morning.

Reflections on a Quarter Century of Marriage {A Life Overseas}

/ Elizabeth Trotter / Leave a comment

Earlier this week I wrote about our twenty-five years of marriage at A Life Overseas:

“We hit a significant marital milestone this year, though the actual day of our anniversary came and went without much fanfare. We were at a missions conference and were only able to escape for a couple hours, skipping an afternoon session to take a walk together in the July heat. It didn’t feel special or remarkable, and I didn’t know how I felt about that. I had expected to feel something.

“It was only after I returned home that I was able to reflect on twenty-five years of holy matrimony. There are ups and downs in every marriage, but for the first eighteen years, I would have said we had more ups than downs. I didn’t really have a construct for anything different.

“The last several years have challenged my assumptions about wedded bliss. I thought we would always be as happy as we had been, and without much extra effort. Because those first eighteen years or so felt relatively effortless. We got along well, and we spent a lot of time together, and we enjoyed each other. We’d been friends since we were fifteen. We thought we knew each other, and we thought we knew how to do this marriage thing.

“Until midlife.”

Read the rest of the article here.

A Few of My Favorite Things {February 2025}

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by Elizabeth

BOOKS

Ghosted: An American Story by Nancy French. Nancy is married to David French, whose work I’ve been reading for years. Like her husband, she’s absolutely in love with God, and I so enjoyed getting to know her. Her salvation story was incredibly moving, but the entire book was a page turner. And like any good writer, Nancy waits for the very last page for the “turning.” I won’t ruin it for you. Content warning: numerous discussions of childhood sexual abuse.

If you want a taste of the book, watch/listen to this interview with Russell Moore. But honestly, as much as I love Russell Moore, the book is way better than the interview.

Escaping Enemy Mode: How Our Brains Unite or Divide Us by Jim Wilder, PhD psychologist, and Ray Woolridge, retired U.S. Army Brigadier General. This book changed my brain and my life, and I think it has the power to change the church and the world. It’s all about “refriending” or strengthening and repairing relationships, which seem weak and distressed society-wide, especially since the pandemic. 

There’s a lot of brain science in this book that I couldn’t keep up with, but the main point is that there are three types of enemy mode: simple, stupid, and intelligent. Simple enemy mode occurs when we don’t have the “relational circuits” in our brains turned on or warmed up. Basically, we’re not paying attention to the people in our lives. This can be relatively straightforward to resolve. 

Stupid enemy mode happens when we get angry and say and do dumb things in our anger. Instead of our brains being “too cold” as in simple enemy mode, in stupid enemy mode, our brains are “too hot.” Calming techniques can help with stupid mode. Although people don’t intend to hurt others in these two modes, a lot of relational damage gets inflicted. 

Intelligent enemy mode is different. In intelligent enemy mode, a person is paying attention and staying calm but using the relational data they have to hurt people on purpose. It’s harder to heal a brain in intelligent enemy mode, particularly since those people don’t generally want to escape their enemy mode. In my experience, however, most of our daily interactions are with simple and stupid enemy modes–and the good news is that there’s so much we can do about this!

Pro Tip #1: Reading The 3D Gospel: Ministry in Guilt, Shame, and Fear Cultures ahead of time will enlighten the experience. Dr. Wilder shows how honor-shame really does permeate all of American culture. I recommended The 3D Gospel by Jayson Georges in June, and it’s much shorter and more digestible than Escaping Enemy Mode.

Pro Tip #2: If you don’t understand the brain science in this book, skip it and read the stories and the solutions. I think this book has the power to change the church and change society. Spread the word!

Christianity Today. Not a book but a periodical, CT reimagined and redesigned their magazine this year so that the volumes come out less frequently, but the stories are tied together with an overarching theme. The changes make the magazine more cohesive and even more of a joy to read than before, touching on deep theological and emotional issues. I’ve subscribed to CT for close to a decade, and it has always strengthened my faith and pointed me back to Christ, but never more so than in the past few years.

MUSIC

Holy Forever by Chris Tomlin

A thousand generations falling down in worship
To sing the song of ages to the Lamb
And all who’ve gone before us and all who will believe
Will sing the song of ages to the Lamb

Your name is the highest
Your name is the greatest
Your name stands above them all
All thrones and dominions
All powers and positions
Your name stands above them all

And the angels cry holy
All creation cries holy
You are lifted high, holy
Holy forever

If you’ve been forgiven and if you’ve been redeemed
Sing the song forever to the Lamb
If you walk in freedom and if you bear His name
Sing the song forever to the Lamb
We’ll sing the song forever and amen

 

Here I Bow by Jenn Johnson

Where would I run
But to the throne of mercy
Where would I kneel
But at this cross of grace
How great the love
How strong the hand that holds us
Beautiful, so beautiful

So here I bow to lift You high
Jesus be glorified
In all things, for all my life
I am Yours, forever Yours

There is a King who bore the scars of healing
There is a Son who came in grace and truth
How great the love that carries us to kindness
Wonderful, You’re wonderful

God here and now, be lifted high
Right here and now, be glorified
God of Heaven and Earth
God who brought me back to life
I am Yours, forever Yours

 

Still by Hillsong

Hide me now under your wings
Cover me within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father, you are King over the flood
I will be still and know you are God

Find rest my soul in Christ alone
Know his power in quietness and trust

 

I Will Wait for You (Psalm 130) by Keith and Kristyn Getty

Out of the depths I cry to You
In darkest places I will call
Incline Your ear to me anew
And hear my cry for mercy, Lord

Were You to count my sinful ways
How could I come before Your throne?
Yet full forgiveness meets my gaze
I stand redeemed by grace alone

I will wait for You, I will wait for You
On Your Word, I will rely
I will wait for You, surely wait for You
‘Til my soul is satisfied

So put your hope in God alone
Take courage in His power to save
Completely and forever won
By Christ emerging from the grave

Now He has come to make a way
And God Himself has paid the price
That all who trust in Him today
Find healing in His sacrifice

QUOTES

“The presence of God is the concentration of the soul’s attention on God; remembering He is always present.” –Brother Lawrence

“We live at the mercy of our ideas.” –Dallas Willard

“We are made for work as surely as we are made for rest. Because of sin, we make idols of both, bending them to serve our self-promotion and sloth. Our work does not fully satisfy, and our rest does not fully restore. 

“But one day, we will labor again as we were created to labor. And we will sabbath as we were created to sabbath. Our labor will not frustrate, and our rest will not bore. 

“For now, we can and should still do our jobs with all our hearts, as working for the Lord (Col. 3:23). When we see our labor as serving the Lord Christ, even menial tasks are transformed from work into worship. Our efforts become offerings, whether as expressions of our gifts or as acts of simple obedience.”

–Jen Wilkin

A Prayer for Marriage {shared during the Velvet Ashes Equip Conference}

/ Elizabeth Trotter / 2 Comments

Father in heaven who loves us, who longs to know us, who longs for us to know You and to know each other in marriage, we confess that we do not always see You or Your goodness in marriage.

But we thank you for Your good plans for us and our marriages. We thank you for Your good plans for Your church across the globe. And we thank you that your plans are not in conflict with one another.

Help us to see the image of God in one another. Help us to rejoice in each other and in our relationships. Restore the joy of first love to us.

Give us the courage to say no to the world and yes to each other. Give us the strength to seek healing from You that we may bring it to our marriages and thus to the world. Let our marriages shine the light of You to others so that they may ask where we found it and want what we have.

Thank you for giving us Your Son, who loved and blessed marriages. Amen.

(Prayer written and shared by Elizabeth)

Music and Midlife {some recommendations}

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I thought I would drop in with a mini “favorite things” post. Here are just a few things I’ve loved over the past few months. ~Elizabeth

The Upgrade: How the Female Brain Gets Stronger and Better in Midlife and Beyond by Louann Brizendine, MD. I saw this book recommended on a menopause website and was intrigued. I bought it on Kindle and practically underlined the entire thing. I have several other books about taking care of physical health in perimenopause and menopause, but nothing ever addressed the mental work of midlife like this book. It was also very hopeful about the second half of life – something I both appreciated and needed.

Inside Out 2. When the puberty button was pushed and all those new thoughts and feelings appeared out of nowhere, I felt like I could relate to Riley. Like her, I thought I had all my belief systems, thinking patterns, and emotions under control, then bam perimenopause happened, and I had to recalibrate. It’s been a lot of work to ride this emotional roller coaster, but it has certainly made me more reliant on the Spirit — which is never a bad thing.

Abide by Aaron Williams. I was seeking discernment about a few things in my life this spring, and one Sunday while we were singing this song in church, I felt like God gave me the answers I had been seeking. A beautiful song that draws us to the heart of God.

Christ Be All Around Me by All Sons & Daughters. At one point this summer I was really craving a prayer that could ground me. I love the prayer of St. Patrick (and I love St. Patrick) and had a distant memory of singing his words once in a song, so I went searching for it.

Same God by Elevation. This song ministered to me after a specific time of prayer about my identity. With so much in my life in flux, I felt adrift. God was basically saying to me, “I’m the same God I always was to you, and you’re the same girl you always were to me. Nothing about any of that has changed.” And I still need this God, the same God who has shown up for His people for thousands of years, every day of my life.

This is Our God by Phil Wickham. I get goosebumps with every verse. I remember the walls, the prisons, the giants – I’ve faced so many of them in my life. But look at what God does! And what a joy to be able to tell the stories of His faithfulness throughout our lives.

Olive Velvet Ashes Retreat image. This is the wallpaper on my phone now. The themes of this year’s retreat matched so much of what God was already speaking to me that I wanted to remind myself of it every time I opened my phone. Plus, those colors made me happy and calm.